Feb. 11, 2026

Heartbreak, Long Waiting, & Restoration | Cathy Garland | 047

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Heartbreak, Long Waiting, & Restoration | Cathy Garland | 047

From devastating heartbreak and deep loss… to long waiting… and finally to powerful restoration—this is a story only God could write.

In this unforgettable episode of When You Look, Mick sits down with Cathy Colver Garland, a woman whose life journey includes divorce, betrayal, miscarriage, years of waiting, and ultimately the redemptive faithfulness of God. Cathy opens up about discovering her husband’s addiction on their honeymoon, losing a child, waiting over a decade for God’s promise, and how God met her in the deepest places of pain with supernatural comfort, vision, and hope.

This is not a polished highlight reel. It’s the real road—through suffering, disappointment, unanswered prayers, and the moments where God seemed silent… until He wasn’t.

If you’ve ever wondered:

• Is God still working when nothing is changing?

• What do you do when waiting hurts?

• Can God truly restore what was broken?

…this conversation is for you.

Cathy’s testimony will strengthen your faith, stir your hope, and remind you that delay is not denial—and restoration is never out of God’s reach.

👉 Watch to the end for one of the most powerful reflections on waiting, healing, and trusting God’s character you’ll hear.


👉 Check out Cathy's Books: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Cathy-Garland/author/B0DB3F75JW?ref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true&ccs_id=2c921d89-70f2-4c03-9e41-0f868f910a26


Indiana Jones Clip https://youtu.be/sBBbq2g7yf8?si=ee0d314D0HuWz3vI


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Chapters

0:30 - Meet Cathy Garland

2:36 - Backstory

5:52 - First Marriage

7:50 - Life After Divorce

11:02 - Healing From Miscarriage

13:59 - Trying to Make it Work

17:00 - The In Between

24:14 - Meeting Her Now Husband

29:21 - Turning In

35:35 - Defining Grace

40:49 - Josiah Defined in a Vision

46:52 - Waiting With Expectancy

50:45 - Coincidence or God?

52:41 - How Has Your Life Changed?

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One of the things I knew was
that I was not so special that I

2
00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:07,200
was going to be the first person
he let down, or the first person

3
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:11,040
he promised something to and
didn't come through for, or the

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00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:15,000
first person that he lied to, or
the first person that he failed.

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00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:19,200
I'm not that special for the God
of the universe for the very

6
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,240
first time to drop the ball with
me.

7
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:24,720
Welcome to When You Look, where
ordinary people share their

8
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:28,440
extraordinary experiences and
you get to decide, was it

9
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:33,360
coincidence or God?
Kathy, welcome to When You Look.

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00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,920
We are delighted to have you on
the show, truly.

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00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,680
I'm excited.
I'm really excited.

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00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:41,240
This is.
I can't wait to get to it.

13
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:46,080
Me as well.
So we've got to hold our horses

14
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,960
for just a second though,
because while your story is

15
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:53,040
amazing and outstanding, we have
to get to know you a little bit.

16
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,360
So tell us a little bit about
yourself.

17
00:00:56,080 --> 00:01:01,440
You know, my mission is to help
women rediscover who they are,

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who God sees them, that he knows
them, that he's revealing

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himself, pursuing their hearts.
And so to that end, I'm a

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00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:15,880
mother, I'm a wife, I'm a
teacher of the Bible.

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00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,880
I would call myself a Bible
nerd, you know, self-described

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00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,880
Bible nerd, Hebrew nerd.
You can throw that in there too,

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because there's nothing more
interesting than figuring that

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out.
And so I'm always teaching, I'm

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always writing, I write books, I
speak to women's groups, I lead

26
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,120
Bible studies, talk about
revival.

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00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,600
I call myself a revival watcher.
I'm a suffering coach.

28
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:43,800
So if someone is suffering or
has been through suffering,

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they'll send them to me and say,
hey, go to Kathy, she'll help

30
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,400
you through suffering.
So all those things together,

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00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:53,200
basically to help that mission
come to pass, which is to help

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women see themselves the way God
sees them, and to know beyond a

33
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,120
shadow of a doubt that he is
pursuing them.

34
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,800
Yeah.
And I think what we're going to

35
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:10,919
hear is how the trials in your
life have really brought you to

36
00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:13,760
this particular mission.
Is that a fair assessment?

37
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,120
Fair assessment.
You can't be a suffering coach

38
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:22,320
if you haven't suffered.
Yeah, well, I think that's awful

39
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to hear.
I had to pause there for a

40
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,800
second and think about what did
I want to say, right.

41
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:31,680
But we know that God works for
good, so he's got all of that.

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00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,880
So I think that's a great
foreshadow.

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00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,240
And let's let's jump right into
things.

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00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:40,520
So give us some back story and
then start to walk us through

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00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:44,640
life as it went for you.
You know, I grew up in church

46
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:50,520
and I followed the Lord as well
as I could until I was about 13.

47
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,800
Then I sort of deconstructed and
then reconstructed and built a

48
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faith that was alive and was
more based on what I had proven

49
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:05,560
to myself over and over again
rather than my parents, you

50
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,600
know, story and my parents
religion, though I love and

51
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honor my parents walk with God
because it was their authentic

52
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with God that made it possible
for me to do that in the safety

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of the home.
I was homeschooled.

54
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,840
I know your kids are
homeschooled.

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00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:24,480
I had plenty of opportunity to
ask a zillion questions and, and

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I was able to question
everything without them getting

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upset, you know, so that helped.
And as I built my faith back, I

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met a man very young.
I was, it was in the purity

59
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,400
culture, you know, we, we got
married young.

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We, we did the true love weights
thing and that didn't work out.

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00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:47,160
And so 4 1/2 years later, my
first husband divorced me.

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00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,360
And during that time, I had lost
a child in miscarriage.

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After that, I met another man
who I loved, and he broke up

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with me three times.
We can talk about that.

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00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:03,200
Another time he went after this
woman that he thought was a

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00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,560
woman of his dreams and broke my
heart.

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00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,720
And I had to cling to who God
was.

68
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:12,800
And sometimes that involved
sitting down at my desk or

69
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kneeling at my desk and getting
enough from the Holy Spirit to

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actually answer emails or go to
a meeting or something like

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00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,920
that, and then running out and
then going back to my office,

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shutting my door and doing it
again.

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Like it was hard.
He broke my heart.

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00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,920
But then I later married him.
So that's a story.

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00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:37,000
And I lost a child in
miscarriage during that first.

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That's the first marriage and
the second marriage.

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And then I waited 10 years for
the birth of my son and, and I

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00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,920
have broken my neck twice, not
once, twice.

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I mean, most people, they're
like, oh, I broke my neck once.

80
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And that's like, oh, that's
pretty good.

81
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No, I broke it twice.
You know, so, and in any of

82
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these things that I just
mentioned, it's, it's kind of a

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list.
The key thing that I want people

84
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to take away from it is that God
held me through it all and he

85
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:11,920
defined the circumstances
differently than everybody else

86
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:17,160
defined them.
So believing him, God, who God

87
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:23,960
says I was over the lies that my
circumstances seem to shout or

88
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,520
the gossips and slanders who
wanted to know the whole story

89
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,200
of why I'm divorced.
And I was the first one divorced

90
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,280
out of the entire church, I'm
pretty sure.

91
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So I didn't have anybody to lean
on.

92
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And it was definitely new and
weird.

93
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And I'm, I mean, who wants to be
a trailblazer of that, right?

94
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:46,800
So all those kinds of things.
But what made the difference was

95
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,760
knowing God and being known by
God.

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00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,680
Those kept me.
Yeah.

97
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,680
Well, let's explore all of that
a little bit more because there

98
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are for sure plenty of
listeners, whether male or

99
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:03,120
female, that are either
divorced, divorced and

100
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:08,760
remarried, sometimes more than
once and or others that feel

101
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,240
like their marriage is on the
brink of all of that.

102
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:17,640
And what you're describing is
tremendous heartache, but also

103
00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,680
relationship with with God via
the Holy Spirit.

104
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:28,320
That was transformative.
So help us understand like maybe

105
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,400
in that let's just focus on that
first marriage and, and things

106
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,040
falling apart and the divorce
and all of that stuff like give

107
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,360
us more color there.
Yeah, so when you grow up at

108
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:41,040
church, I think you sort of
imbibe this understanding,

109
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:45,520
probably from Proverbs, that if
you do things well, do things

110
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:49,600
right, that you'll somehow end
up with the good life, white

111
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,920
pick a fence, chickens, kids,
the whole thing.

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And that's not always true, and
it wasn't true for me.

113
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My first husband told me on our
honeymoon night that he was

114
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:04,920
addicted to pornography and that
he didn't want to have children.

115
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,040
Now, he had told me he wanted
10, and I married him because I

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00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:10,760
wanted 10.
And here was a man who said he

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wanted 10.
And on our honeymoon night, he

118
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told me he was addicted to
pornography and he didn't want

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to have children and never want
to talk about it again.

120
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,040
So it went downhill from there,
basically.

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And I tried and tried for years
to work on it, taking to

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counselling and all sorts of
different things.

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But Paul says that when someone
who doesn't want to serve the

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Lord wants to go, you let them
go.

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And I had to let him go.
So I called up my father and I

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said this is what's happening, I
suspect more than once adultery.

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And my dad said out, he said,
I'm coming to get you right now.

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And he did.
And I left a lot of things

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00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,520
behind.
I didn't care about them.

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00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:58,320
My dad said we're just leaving
now because your safety is of

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most concern to me.
And we even tried after that,

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but it just didn't work out.
And the next thing you knew, I

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was divorced.
And I was divorced took several

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00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,320
years.
It took a long time to heal.

135
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,400
As I mentioned, I was first, so
there wasn't a whole lot of

136
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help.
There were older people who were

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divorced after many, many, many,
many years of marriage, but not

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younger people.
Nowadays we call them trial

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marriages.
This is a thing that happens

140
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and, you know, there wasn't a
whole lot of help and healing

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and counselling that I was able
to avail myself of, but that

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drove me to get that kind of
training so that I could turn

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around and hand it to other
people.

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And so through that, and, and I
think, you know, one of the

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things I mentioned was a
miscarriage that was towards the

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end of the marriage.
And it was a heartbreaking

147
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,280
moment.
And I was surrounded by women

148
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who were encouraging me.
They're saying things like this

149
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is normal.
We've all been through it.

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00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:56,000
You know, we'll help you through
it, which is fine words to say.

151
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,840
There's nothing wrong with that,
but it didn't take me to the

152
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:03,160
traumatic healing, the trauma
healing that I needed.

153
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:06,600
So later the Lord took me
through the healing.

154
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:10,960
He took me years and years
later, I was at a beach house

155
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,600
and we were talking about
revival and talking about God.

156
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,360
My whole family was there.
My new husband was there.

157
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:20,320
And I felt like the Lord was
trying to draw me away to speak

158
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,840
with me.
And so I went up to my room and

159
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:26,720
I just laid down and he said, I
want you to name the son that

160
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,960
you lost.
Up until that time, I didn't

161
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,080
even know he was a son.
I didn't know he was a male.

162
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,400
And I said, oh, OK.
Lord, what?

163
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,880
What?
What's his name like?

164
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:37,960
I don't have a name for him.
We never discussed a name.

165
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:41,360
And he showed me a name.
It was Aiden.

166
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:46,840
And it means little fire.
And I didn't know that at the

167
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:51,200
time, but I got just a glimpse
of this smiling face with red

168
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,440
hair.
My first husband had lots and

169
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,680
lots of red hair.
And Aiden, meaning little fire,

170
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,440
was a perfect name for him.
And I just had this sense of,

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OK, God has him, he's growing up
in heaven.

172
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:06,520
I don't know if you can preach
that from the pulpit or not, but

173
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,320
that's what I got.
And that he was learning and

174
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,960
growing in stature in heaven.
And then I released that pain.

175
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:17,680
Up until that point, the whole
that was there had not been

176
00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:20,000
dealt with.
I just went on because that's

177
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,120
what you do.
And it wasn't until God put His

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00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,240
finger on it and said, we're
going to deal with this at the

179
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,840
right time that He healed up for
me.

180
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,800
And I look forward to seeing him
someday.

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00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:37,800
Yeah, Kathy, thank you for
sharing about Aiden and I'm

182
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,920
sorry for your loss.
Thank you.

183
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:47,120
Yeah, absolutely.
Let's explore all this a tiny

184
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,280
bit more too, because there's,
there's a, there's a lot here

185
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,680
that I think can be really
wonderful for our listeners to

186
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:57,520
better understand because you
talked about the whole not being

187
00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:02,280
dealt with until God kind of put
his, You push your thumb up for

188
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,880
that.
Tell us a little bit more about

189
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,680
perhaps maybe why it wasn't yet
dealt with.

190
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:10,960
And maybe if you have any
insight into why it then became

191
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:14,000
time from God's perspective that
now we're going to deal with

192
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,680
this.
That's a good point.

193
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,840
You know, from his perspective
is the right time.

194
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,480
But it was also, I didn't
realize as I look back, it was

195
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,200
around the time that I lost him
several years later, like

196
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,400
something like 11 or 12 years
later.

197
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:33,080
So that's a significant time.
So I don't know, I didn't keep

198
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,120
track.
So miscarriage is different than

199
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,640
still birth, which is different
than losing a child who's been

200
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:42,160
running around.
All are hard and I'm sure all

201
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:46,080
are too hard to bear for anyone.
I would never compare.

202
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:51,080
But the thing about miscarriage
is you don't get to mourn the

203
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:54,760
same way, not really.
Like if if someone has a little

204
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,360
toddler running around and that
toddler dies, everybody mourns

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with you.
There's a lot of space to talk

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about it.
People are going to bring you

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food and check on you and make
sure your body is recuperating

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and you're doing the processes
of mourning.

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When you lose a miscarriage, you
don't have the joy that you had,

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even if it was a small window of
time.

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You lose all the dreams before
they happen.

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You don't get to really talk
about it.

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Most women I meet have lost at
least one child, if not more

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than one, and they don't get
together and talk about

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miscarriage.
It's a thing that's swept under

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the rug.
I even know people who don't

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announce the birth until a
certain point because they don't

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want to announce it.
There's a chance of miscarriage

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up until that point.
I don't believe in that.

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I celebrate life from the moment
I know about it.

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And even if that life, you know,
develops only so far in in my

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belly, my thinking is that when
we hide miscarriages and sweep

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them under the rug and don't
give our bodies the space to

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heal and our emotions to heal.
And even if we didn't know about

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the pregnancy, the hopes and
dreams that we had that we

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didn't even know we had died.
And there has to be space for

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that to heal.
Now I walk people through

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healing processes after they've
lost a child or had an abortion

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even, because in a sense there's
a need to address the person who

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isn't there.
Because as Christians we know

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that that is a person, an entity
with a whole set of DNA,

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personality, God-given talents,
dreams, etcetera that they

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hadn't a chance to envelope.
It's a real person.

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And a miscarriage doesn't really
always give you the chance to

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acknowledge that.
And I hate that for women, I

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really do.
Yeah, yeah, I certainly track

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with you on so much of that.
So thank you for illuminating

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00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:07,400
all of that.
So what was it like for you?

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00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,120
Again, we're still focusing on
this first marriage.

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There's so much more for us to
cover, too.

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So we won't stay here forever.
But you really have have, I

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think, struck a nerve in a lot
of ways potentially with our

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00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:27,160
listeners here.
So you experienced A dramatic

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shift on your honeymoon night,
you know, your wedding night and

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00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,760
your husband.
And then as you mentioned, you

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00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,440
still were married for another 4
1/2 years.

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And it sounds like where you
endeavored to really make things

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00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:48,760
work.
So I guess give us a little bit

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00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,560
more insight into your endeavors
there.

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00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:54,080
You were certainly alluding to
some of them, but also then how

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00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:59,680
you got to the point of where it
was clear this needs to now end.

252
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:08,480
You know, I think I tried over
and over again to regrow hope.

253
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:16,360
Whatever that took, whether it
was counselling or going through

254
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:21,040
a period of time where you've
almost forget what was said, you

255
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:25,920
try to get along.
You're, you're actually dealing

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00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,560
with a different person than you
thought you were.

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00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:34,080
And that takes time.
And then I tried to get him

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00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:38,240
accountability, tried to plug in
more to the church, tried to

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00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,800
lead by example, nagged him to
death about taking meds.

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You know, I, I tried it all and
it wasn't working.

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And I think when I knew was when
I lost the first child in that

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marriage, when I lost the
miscarriage of the baby.

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He said he was so relieved.
I could see his shoulders drop

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00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:06,240
and his head drop.
And he said I am so sad for you,

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00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,840
but glad that you lost a child
because we cannot have children.

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That's what he said.
And it just trampled over

267
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,920
anything that I had been able to
build up into that point.

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And I just knew it was over.
I, I knew that you can't always.

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00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:25,600
God can resurrect anything, but
as a human, you can't resurrect

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00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,960
a whole lot of things.
There's only so many things that

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you can tend to and do your best
to, water and sunshine and

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00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,920
everything else.
And if it's not going to grow,

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it's not going to grow.
And so I knew at that point, but

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I did wait until I had what we
would call biblical reasons.

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Though now I have learned that
my more conservative background

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00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:50,040
might not be correct in those
areas, that there may be a whole

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00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,240
lot more reasons than I
realized.

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00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,600
Biblical reasons for diverse.
But I did wait for biblical

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00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,000
reasons.
And that's when I called my dad

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00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:02,760
and he got me out of there.
Yeah, yeah, I know this isn't

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00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,160
necessarily the easiest thing to
chat about, so I really

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00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,319
appreciate the fact that you
were willing to go there and

283
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:10,319
give us a little bit more
insight into that.

284
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So then there's this period of
time, I'll call it a period of

285
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,839
in between, meaning from divorce
to remarriage.

286
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And I suspect that your
relationship with God was active

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00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:26,040
at that point.
Tell us what that was like.

288
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:32,400
I think I would call that the
survival period because when you

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00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:36,960
get out of something like that,
you go into a bit of shell shock

290
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:40,680
bubble, if you will, and your
goal is to survive.

291
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:44,480
It is not to thrive.
That is like not even on your

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00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,360
radar.
OK.

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00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,800
On the list is the things that
will cause you to survive.

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00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,360
Eat, put 1 foot forward in front
of the other, you know, these

295
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:54,880
kinds of things.
I was working at the church, so

296
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:59,280
I was on staff there and they
were very kind and I'm sure I

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00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:02,640
was not the best assistant.
I was an assistant to the senior

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00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,600
pastor at the time.
I can recall making some pretty

299
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:10,640
big mistakes during that period
of time, but I also struggled

300
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:16,240
with feeling decommissioned.
You know, when you get married

301
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,960
and you have dreams.
My first husband, by the way,

302
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:23,920
was an excellent evangelist.
He had an anointing that oozed

303
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,600
out of him.
He would go into the grocery

304
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:29,200
store when he was not serving
God, and he could lead people to

305
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,880
the Lord.
It was crazy, like it was nuts,

306
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:37,480
and you just knew that God was
given him something special if

307
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:41,600
he'd use it.
When you see the death of what

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00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:47,360
you could have been together,
die, then you wonder what's left

309
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,120
for me.
It's not like I had an identity

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00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:54,920
in him per SE, but I definitely
had an idea of ministering

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00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,120
together and what that would
look like.

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00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:01,400
And certainly now I'm in this
situation where, you know, it's

313
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:05,000
a little scandalous.
Am I decommissioned because of

314
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,560
this scandal that I had to walk
through?

315
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,320
And they were people who wanted
to know everything, all the

316
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,400
details.
And let me tell your listeners,

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00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,880
people are not entitled to the
full story.

318
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,760
You can give them only what they
need to know.

319
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,480
And some people don't need to
know anything.

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00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,560
OK, that's for a freebie.
We'll just put that out.

321
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,400
But I learned that you know, and
here I am.

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00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:36,040
So I got married when I was just
shy of 18 and divorced 4 1/2

323
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,760
years later.
I am not yet a full grown adult

324
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,960
if you ask me.
Looking back, I do not feel that

325
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,440
I was actually a full grown
adult.

326
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:46,880
All right.
So I'm surviving, I'm doing the

327
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:51,080
things that you do, such as the
devotions in the morning, but

328
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,200
it's dead.
There's no presence, there's no

329
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:58,480
thriving, there's no worship is
because I know I have to do it

330
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,760
to stay alive.
I'm reading my Bible because I

331
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:05,320
know I need it, though it's not
going all the way in, I

332
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,080
guarantee it.
You know, it's not being

333
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:12,080
transformative at all.
It is just doing the discipline

334
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:16,960
that I knew I had to do.
And still questioning what is

335
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,160
next for me.
I don't even know if there is a

336
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,680
next.
Like do I go off and just become

337
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,880
a nothing to God because this is
not the original plan.

338
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,000
Like these are the questions you
wrestle with.

339
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:33,240
And luckily I had a wonderful
pastor's wife who kept bringing

340
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,720
me alongside and she kept
bringing me alongside.

341
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:40,160
And sometimes I don't want to be
there at all because I would

342
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,880
just let me go do my work
because I need just focus.

343
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,320
And she would bring me in to
minister to interns, lay hands

344
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,320
on them and pray for them.
In our tradition, that's very

345
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,840
common.
You do that, you know, if you if

346
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,240
you sneeze, somebody lays hands
on you.

347
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,920
So we were laying hands on them
and blessing them.

348
00:20:55,920 --> 00:21:00,800
And I was grumbling in my mind
one time and I was like, I don't

349
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,280
want to be here.
This is not me.

350
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,520
I don't know what I'm supposed
to be doing here.

351
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,000
And the holy, I said, Holy
Spirit, what's am I supposed to

352
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,040
pray?
And the Holy Spirit said, pray

353
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,880
James over him.
So I had James memorized at

354
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,160
least the first couple of
chapters.

355
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,920
So I began to pray James over
this person.

356
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,240
He fell over like I never, I
don't lay hands on people and

357
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,680
then fall over.
Like, I know people push people

358
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,920
down, and I know people who
don't push people down.

359
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,640
They're legit.
But I'm not one of those people

360
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:28,800
either.
One, OK.

361
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:32,880
And this guy, he fell over and
he said to me, he said that is

362
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,560
the most heavy I've ever felt
the presence of God.

363
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:40,040
And I was like, whoa, I knew
what my internal dialogue was.

364
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:44,080
I was like, God, out of all the
time I've been serving you 20

365
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,920
something years here.
This is the first time anything

366
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,240
like this has happened.
And it comes the day I'm

367
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:53,320
grumbling to you and you just
tell me to say, James over this

368
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:57,240
part really.
And the Lord spoke to me and he

369
00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,560
said in your weakness, I am
strong.

370
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,400
And I said, OK, you're right,
you're so right.

371
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:09,160
So things like that continued to
happen until I went away to a

372
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:14,240
youth camp as a helper, not as a
youth, but as a helper.

373
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,840
And I was going through the
worship and but it was great.

374
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,560
Worship always is at camp,
right?

375
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,960
And the speaker, I don't even
remember who he was.

376
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,800
He was coming up the stairs as
we were turning around to grab

377
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:30,440
our Bibles off the chair and sit
down, you know, and I was on the

378
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,120
front row.
I always sit on the front row.

379
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:37,000
I'm the front row person.
And he said you, oh, first of

380
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,480
all, I grabbed my stuff.
I said to myself, OK, Lord, I

381
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,040
can hear from you now.
Up until this point, maybe a

382
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:47,880
year, year and a half, I'm not
hearing God, there's no that's

383
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,320
not functioning.
And I yeah, there's a lot of

384
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,520
resistance in you, it sounds
like.

385
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,720
Absolute.
Well, it's not resistance so

386
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,560
much as you're shut down.
That part of you is shut down.

387
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:03,200
And so I turned around, plopped
my bum on the seat, and that

388
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,400
leader said, you God wants to
speak to you right now.

389
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:11,080
And I was like, OK.
And then he prophesied to me

390
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,800
things that only I knew in my
heart.

391
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,360
And I was like, OK.
And it was a part of a

392
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:19,160
recommission.
Like, there is a future for you.

393
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:26,640
And that was a necessary moment.
Yeah, probably a dramatic shift

394
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,400
for you, but I don't want to put
words in your mouth.

395
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:32,080
What was that like?
It recommissioned me, I would

396
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,880
say, because when you're in that
place of I don't know, am IA

397
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,800
lost cause am I, do I have a
ministry?

398
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:43,200
Do I have a mission anymore?
He spoke and he recommissioned

399
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,480
me.
He said all the things that my

400
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,240
heart desired.
You will do these things.

401
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:52,400
I have not abandoned you, which
I, I knew he hadn't, but it's,

402
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:56,800
it's nice to be reminded and I
still am calling you and you

403
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,800
still have work to do.
And I have predestined you for

404
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,840
the good works.
You know the scripture that says

405
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,160
that.
And it did.

406
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,520
It relaunched me back into
things.

407
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,760
And I began to come alive from
that moment again because during

408
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,880
that time I was very dormant.
Now I was coming back to life.

409
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,440
Yeah.
And you said this is roughly a

410
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:17,680
year and a half or so post
divorce, right?

411
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:24,240
Yes.
Yeah, So what happens leading up

412
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:31,400
to meeting your now husband?
I was serving at church 6-7 days

413
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:35,720
a week, but was just all in.
I was there in charge of so many

414
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:39,520
different ministries and things,
marketing, media.

415
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,920
I was there for three services,
one on Saturday, 2:00 on Sunday,

416
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:47,360
1:00 on Sunday night, Wednesday
night, Thursday practice.

417
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,680
You know, I threw myself into it
because these are my people and

418
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:54,120
I, I trusted them.
And even though I knew a lot of

419
00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:57,120
their, you know, mistakes or
foibles or whatever, I loved

420
00:24:57,120 --> 00:25:00,320
them and trusted them.
And so in the middle of all that

421
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,840
serving, it would have been
almost impossible to date.

422
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,280
That's how busy I was.
And I did not date.

423
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,360
I think somebody fixed me up
with someone and I went out on a

424
00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:10,080
dinner date and that was a
disaster.

425
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:14,240
I am not a dateable person.
I get, I'm going to slip all the

426
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,720
fluff, all the small talk.
We're going to be talking about

427
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,760
the big things of life pretty
quickly.

428
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,240
And so it's not really dating
material.

429
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,800
So that went very well.
Not, not very well.

430
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,680
And so I was serving and I
walked out one day.

431
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:32,040
I slept in because I didn't have
to be there early, early 5:30 in

432
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,440
the morning.
I think I was getting there at

433
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,200
like 9.
And so I felt leisurely able to

434
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,680
get ready, walked out to my car
and there's this blonde man

435
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:45,320
standing there, 6 foot four.
And he's got his big heavy Bible

436
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,040
in his arms.
So I know he's a Christian.

437
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,920
And I said, oh, hello.
I said, are you headed to

438
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,960
church?
And he said, yes, you must be

439
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,520
headed to church, too.
I had my Bible.

440
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,440
And I said, yes, I'm going to
Atlanta City Church, which is

441
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,200
the name of the church.
And he said, oh, that's where I

442
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,280
go.
So when you have that many

443
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:03,960
services, you don't meet
everybody.

444
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,480
And I said, well, that's my
dad's church.

445
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,160
I go there, too.
I'll see you there.

446
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,920
And so for him, it was, I think,
a normal meeting.

447
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:17,720
But for me, the clouds had
parted, the birds were singing,

448
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,000
the sun was shining.
I don't know any other way.

449
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,840
It was a very Disney moment for
me.

450
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,640
And I was like, that's weird.
I'm not normally a sentimental

451
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:30,440
Disney kind of person.
And so I met him again at

452
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:34,680
church, smiled, waved, and he
went to one O 1 through 4 O1,

453
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,480
which is like this membership
class.

454
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:41,200
I was a part of that because I
was handling it, the details of

455
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:48,320
it, and within about a few
weeks, we went on a date.

456
00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:52,320
I asked him on the first date.
That's a crazy thing and but it

457
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,400
wasn't meant to be a date.
I asked him to go to a party, a

458
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,360
birthday party with me at a
restaurant.

459
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,440
We got lost in Atlanta.
I couldn't find the place that

460
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:04,600
it was, so we just ate.
So that was our gotcha.

461
00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,960
That's kind of a precursor to my
life too, because I get lost

462
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,520
very easily and he knows that
about me.

463
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:14,600
So you know, it was for me it
was love at first sight kind of

464
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:17,360
thing.
But I also sensed 2 things about

465
00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:20,040
him.
One, that he was trustworthy and

466
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,000
two, that he was not addicted to
pornography.

467
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,680
If you've lived with
pornography, you can detect it

468
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,040
in people.
And I could detect that he did

469
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:32,760
not have that spirit and a
spirit of lust or anything like

470
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,320
that.
And so within the first date,

471
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,480
after the first date, so again,
not dating material, I told him

472
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,320
that I was ready to get married
and he could let me know when he

473
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:48,400
was ready, which I don't
recommend.

474
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:54,000
Very forward there.
I know, no, I don't recommend

475
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,600
it.
However, this guy had dated

476
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:01,600
about 200 Christian women in his
lifetime, later found out, loved

477
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,120
him and he was very pure, didn't
do anything with them beyond

478
00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:07,200
kiss them.
He was like Seinfeld.

479
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,160
He couldn't.
You would always find something

480
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,760
wrong with them, you know.
And so when I did that, I took

481
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:18,320
away the game and I was like,
you know, this is me.

482
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,160
If you want to marry me, I'm
here and I'm ready.

483
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:25,720
So whenever you are.
Yeah, wow.

484
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:30,560
OK, So how long did that take?
How did it go?

485
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:35,400
So he broke up with me not
terribly long after that, not

486
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,880
because of that, but because I
am a creative.

487
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,160
He's OCD.
There's a little bit of a clash

488
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,040
there.
And he.

489
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:49,720
So he dumped me and then a
little bit later we got back

490
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:53,080
together and then he dumped me
again.

491
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,640
And.
And then the third time he.

492
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:58,520
We.
Yeah, So he dummy again.

493
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:02,120
Then he started dating that gal.
This is his ideal woman.

494
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:03,880
I guess he met her on eHarmony
or something.

495
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:08,840
And he thought, he told me I
need some space because we were

496
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:13,760
good friends serving in singles
together, you know, And he said

497
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,920
I need some space.
I think she's the one which just

498
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:19,600
broke me.
And then that's when I went

499
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:26,920
through that part of my story,
which is learning to turn in to

500
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:31,800
get what I need for the moment
and letting that be enough and

501
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:36,480
then coming back at turning in
and getting what I need for that

502
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,600
moment.
And then that happened for about

503
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:44,320
3 months of just pure misery.
When I talk about it with women,

504
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,080
they always have similar
stories.

505
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,000
It's crazy.
And they they tell me that

506
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,960
they've been through this and
where they love someone and

507
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:56,880
they've been dumped.
Usually people don't do it three

508
00:29:56,880 --> 00:30:00,360
times or are willing to, you
know, go through three times,

509
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,280
but he did.
So that was the the the third

510
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:09,240
time after he dumped me, met the
girl, told me to pause.

511
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:13,400
I paused. 3 1/2 months later the
Holy Spirit said give him a

512
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:15,440
call, give him a call.
So I did.

513
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,240
I gave him a call.
I said, hey, it's me, your

514
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,640
friend, long lost.
How are you?

515
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:25,280
He said how did you know?
I broke up with her and I said I

516
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:26,560
didn't know.
I didn't know.

517
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:28,680
He said well I'm going shopping
for cars.

518
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,800
I love cars so I was like sure
I'm coming.

519
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,200
We went shopping.
We ate dinner.

520
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,760
Two months later we were
engaged. 2 months after that we

521
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:40,080
were married.
Wow, and how long has it been?

522
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:45,120
We have been together.
Oh, don't ask me that.

523
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,320
That's the kind of thing you
need to ask my husband.

524
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:52,080
So I think we're going on 26
years in January.

525
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:57,960
Yeah, wow.
Yeah, my brother got married in

526
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:01,520
January and it seems like it
would be so easy to do the math.

527
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:03,480
You know what I mean?
Based on January, but some

528
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:07,000
slightly more complicated, it
seems that it should.

529
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,680
Be yeah, something.
Well, I probably it changes

530
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,040
every year, so I don't.
It's hard to remember how many

531
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:16,840
years we've been married.
Yeah, 26, congratulations.

532
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:20,280
Thank you.
How long have you been married?

533
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,880
19 Yeah.
Praise God.

534
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:28,000
Praise God.
Yeah, man, He gets every bit of

535
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,040
the glory for that.
So no doubt about it.

536
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,720
So that is absolutely amazing,
Kathy.

537
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,280
I mean, there's so many
different pieces that are in

538
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:41,560
there.
And obviously you stuck with

539
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,840
things, you know what I mean,
through that time.

540
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,880
But you mentioned or kind of,
yeah, you were, you were talking

541
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:51,400
specifically about during that
period of time, particularly in

542
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:56,480
that 3 1/2 month period that you
had to turn in to get what you

543
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,760
needed.
And I think I have an idea of

544
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:02,000
what you mean by that.
But let's be really clear.

545
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,720
Tell us what or who you're
turning into, OK?

546
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,240
So when people suffer, they have
two choices.

547
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,880
They can either rant, rail, and
question God.

548
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,520
And that's sometimes a
legitimate response.

549
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,080
I'm not saying that it's not a
human response.

550
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:24,160
I'm sure I did a certain
percentage of that myself.

551
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:28,520
But then the other option is to
lean into God.

552
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,240
This is what the psalmist does
in almost every Psalm.

553
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:35,960
The first half is he's laying
out how bad things really are

554
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,800
truthfully.
And then about this latter half

555
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:43,880
of the Psalms, if you ever read
it, you'll notice they shift.

556
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:49,600
They say things like, yet I will
trust God, yet I will put my

557
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:52,640
faith in the one who was
faithful in the past and will be

558
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:56,160
faithful in the future.
They remember and recount to

559
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:59,200
themselves the days of old, the
things you did.

560
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:03,240
And I do the same thing.
So when I lean in, when I say

561
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:08,600
that I'm turning into God, I'm
turning, returning and reminding

562
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:13,280
my of the times when He kept me,
held me, spoke to me, and I

563
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:16,920
proved that it was Him over and
over and over.

564
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:19,320
Oh, that's you.
That's you speaking.

565
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:23,320
OK, so now I can trust that
voice or oh, that's how you

566
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,400
interpret Scripture in a
situation like that.

567
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:32,760
Or when I turn on a worship
music song and I get lost in the

568
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:36,520
worship and I receive from him,
I'm doing those things, It's

569
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:40,960
like plugging in, right?
And so when I was going through

570
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:45,880
those times, any of those times,
pick one, the thing that I was

571
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:50,760
able to rely on, probably
because of the, I would say,

572
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:55,520
generations before me that had
set a path.

573
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,320
This is how you exist in
suffering.

574
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:05,520
This is how you make it through.
I was able to get the power of

575
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:10,480
the Holy Spirit to sustain me.
If I needed kindness in a

576
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:15,760
moment, He gave me kindness.
If I needed joy when I was

577
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,880
feeling very low, he gave me
that.

578
00:34:19,159 --> 00:34:23,560
And a lot of times it was like,
I would say, oh, that's a lack

579
00:34:23,679 --> 00:34:25,480
in me.
Here's a lack, right.

580
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:26,719
Here's a lack I'm holding a
lack.

581
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:30,080
This is lack I lack.
And then I would turn to him and

582
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,800
say, what do you have that's
going to fix this lack?

583
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:37,040
And it's always in his character
and his nature.

584
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:41,560
This is what I write about all
the time because it's it's like

585
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:46,880
every time I have a lack, he has
the antidote to that directly in

586
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:48,480
his character and his
attributes.

587
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:52,239
And it fills or fixes or
changes, transforms that lack.

588
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:55,880
And that's the way he designed
it, I think.

589
00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,880
But as Americans, we think we're
supposed to approach without

590
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,240
lack.
That is not how he designed it.

591
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:08,000
He designed it so that when you
encounter lack, when you suffer,

592
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:13,280
when you wrestle hard things,
you turn to him and say, do you

593
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:16,480
have something for this?
Then he says, Oh yes, I do.

594
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:18,920
And then he supplies it from
himself.

595
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:24,280
That's why the Bible is so full
of all the names of God and what

596
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:27,440
they mean, because they're not
just telling you like an

597
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,280
introduction like a dating game
or something like that.

598
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:34,600
He's telling you because those
things are made available to

599
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:36,880
you.
People have a difficulty

600
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:40,680
defining grace.
They say it's unmerited favor or

601
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:45,400
something like this is fine.
Grace is everything found in the

602
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:51,080
nature and the character of God
made available to you in the

603
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:53,880
perfected moment of your knee.
Not before.

604
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,040
You didn't have grace to raise
your children before you had

605
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:58,640
children.
You didn't have grace to be

606
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,760
married before you were married.
You don't get the grace to do

607
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,120
the hard things until you're
going through them.

608
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:07,200
It's like that movie Search for
the Holy Grail.

609
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:11,000
Not the Monty Python version,
but the the good one, the

610
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:15,320
Indiana Jones one.
And he's going across the the

611
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:16,320
chasm.
Chasm.

612
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,720
See.
Yes, it's so powerful because

613
00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:22,760
all he has is this map of his
dad's, you know, with the little

614
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:24,840
drawing.
And he's like, there's no way.

615
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:27,160
He has no rope.
He has no nothing.

616
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:29,840
He's done nothing.
And he's either going to put his

617
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:33,560
foot forward and go straight
down to his death and and his

618
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,480
dad's going to die too, or his
foot is going to connect.

619
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,680
And just as he transfers all his
weight, like watch it.

620
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,480
It's incredible.
You can get clips on YouTube.

621
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:49,200
Just as he transfers his weight
and it's either do or die, his

622
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:52,160
foot connects.
That's how grace is.

623
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:55,040
That is what it is.
Just before it's do or die.

624
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:59,080
God's grace connects you with
the very thing that's going to

625
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,640
carry you.
Yeah.

626
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:04,360
Thank you for illuminating it in
that way.

627
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:08,000
I'm very familiar with that
scene because having seen it

628
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,720
many, many years ago when it
first came out, because I think

629
00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:12,600
that movie's probably from the
90s.

630
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:16,760
It was just very impactful.
It.

631
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:21,840
Was and very, very memorable and
I don't want to highlight that

632
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,560
to diminish anything that you've
said, but simply to further it.

633
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:28,120
Well, to that end, I want to
kind of come back a little bit

634
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:35,840
to your praying James over that
particular person because in a

635
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:39,600
way that is a great example of
exactly what you were

636
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:46,520
describing, which is in exactly
that moment he told you James

637
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:50,560
for this person.
So walking away from that, can

638
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:54,560
you recall or to what extent do
you recall the impact of that

639
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:59,520
particular moment for you?
You know, that happened.

640
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,240
And then right after that, I
think like the next day,

641
00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:06,280
something similar happened where
I was praying for someone and

642
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:10,000
they felt the presence of God.
And I really had to ask a lot of

643
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:14,680
questions of God to know why.
Why now?

644
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,400
You know, I've been serving you
my whole life.

645
00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:22,000
Why in these instances are you
letting your power flow through

646
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,400
me?
And he said, it's because you're

647
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:29,200
not getting in the way.
And, you know, I could have been

648
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:32,640
offended by that, but I wasn't
because obviously that's what

649
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:36,840
had happened before.
And maybe I had expectations, or

650
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:41,320
maybe I just hadn't been in a
place to receive fully.

651
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:45,200
I don't know.
But whatever the case is, from

652
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:50,680
that moment on, it became I
became more aware that his, his

653
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:53,680
job, if you will, is to flow
through me.

654
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:59,080
My job is to let him flow.
This perfect relationship here

655
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:01,680
is to not prevent it from
flowing.

656
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:06,720
There's a word Eucharista says.
Now I'll geek out for a second.

657
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:10,960
It's a Greek word, and it's
where we get our communion word

658
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,400
Eucharist.
And it's right there in the

659
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,120
scriptures.
It's in multiple places.

660
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,640
But in the Scriptures, when he
breaks the bread and he gives

661
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:22,960
the wine for the very first time
to the disciples right before

662
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:27,000
that, it says, and he gave
thanks, which is a terrible

663
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,760
translation.
That is not not dashing off a

664
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:33,720
thank you note for Americans.
It's a terrible translation.

665
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:37,360
Like when we say thank you, it's
like, oh, thanks, you know, or

666
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:39,360
write a thank you note if you're
lucky, right?

667
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:41,000
If you're lucky, you get a
handwritten thank you note.

668
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,480
Like that's that's high level
thanks right now.

669
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:49,520
But he connected, right.
OK, So he connected with the

670
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:54,520
Father, and the Father poured
out all that he was into the

671
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:59,240
Son, and the Son received and
returned it back to him in

672
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:02,520
unbroken fellowship.
That's Eucharist to say.

673
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:05,640
So that's actually the most
important part of communion that

674
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,360
we don't really talk about much
because we just kind of jumped

675
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,960
to the blood and the bread
because it's tangible and you

676
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:14,080
can feel that.
But Athanasius tells us that

677
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:18,000
Eucharist to say is receiving
all that God pours out.

678
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,360
And, and it overflows and it
fixes the world around us.

679
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,640
Like NT Wright is always talking
about encouraging us that our

680
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:30,600
job is to flow with this power
of the Holy Spirit, repairing

681
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:34,000
what is broken, but also to
return it back to him and

682
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,360
worship.
So I think that was when I

683
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:40,160
started to land on Ah, this is
how it's supposed to go.

684
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:43,280
Yeah.
Wow.

685
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:46,160
That's pretty significant
revelation there.

686
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,440
That's great.
Thank you for sharing that.

687
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:54,960
Well, let's come into now.
You're married, OK.

688
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,400
I know I've been moving us
around, shifting us around a lot

689
00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:04,800
of different places in the
story, but you are married and

690
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,560
there are some challenges.
Tell us a little bit about

691
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:12,360
those.
So at first when I married my

692
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:17,560
husband, as I mentioned, he's
OCD and I am not kind of

693
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:21,160
opposite raised by hippies.
So there's opposite.

694
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,800
And we struggled through a
number of things.

695
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:31,640
The main thing I think was that
I needed to know that God's

696
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:37,520
promises to me that happened
kind of in between the first

697
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:41,200
marriage and the second marriage
that I would have children would

698
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:44,680
come to pass.
And you know, I don't want to be

699
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,280
one of those people who's
obsessed about having children.

700
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,640
I wasn't like that, but he had
given a promise.

701
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:54,000
So therefore I wanted to see
that promise come to pass.

702
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,000
OK, so that's a little different
place.

703
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,840
And my second husband really
didn't want children.

704
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:03,880
But when we got married, he said
we will have children.

705
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,920
I so great.
You come to me when you're ready

706
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:11,800
to have children.
I was not sure how long that was

707
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,600
going to take.
And 10 years is probably a

708
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:15,840
little bit longer than I
thought.

709
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:19,560
But regardless, I waited.
I didn't want to nag him into

710
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,400
anything.
It's just not how you should do

711
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:23,160
it.
It's it's not a recipe for a

712
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:26,960
great marriage.
And right after I told my

713
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:32,520
husband Mickey is his name,
after I told him that I was not

714
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:34,920
going to pressure him.
He just needed to come to me.

715
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:39,960
I was doing my devotions.
I think it was the next day and

716
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:45,200
I was just sort of quiet and the
Holy Spirit gave me a vision of

717
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:48,720
a daughter and a son.
And the son was taller than the

718
00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:55,000
daughter, so obviously 1st.
And he laid his hands on my

719
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:58,720
son's head and he said his name
is Josiah.

720
00:42:58,720 --> 00:43:00,720
He'll be the last good thing to
happen to Judah.

721
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:04,280
And it was one of those visions,
not like a pizza dream where

722
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:08,120
you're not sure, you know, is it
pizza or is it God or is this

723
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:11,880
kind of 1/2 awake kind of thing?
It was a vision that kind of

724
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:16,040
took over my sight, you know,
kind of thing.

725
00:43:16,720 --> 00:43:20,920
And I told everybody about it.
I said, this is what I, this is

726
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,440
what I experienced.
This is what I saw.

727
00:43:22,720 --> 00:43:26,440
And I sunk my teeth into that.
And that's what kept me as I

728
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:30,680
waited those long years.
Yeah.

729
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:34,480
Tell us more about sinking your
teeth into that, because you're

730
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,400
now describing essentially a
decade, right?

731
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:40,040
Yes, right.
Exactly.

732
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:47,080
So for me, it meant that what
God promises, God will do.

733
00:43:47,720 --> 00:43:50,040
I don't know what that's going
to look like.

734
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:55,840
So I'll release my expectations
of that, but I will wait with

735
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:59,600
expectancy that he's going to do
something.

736
00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:04,200
And so I would talk about it to
anyone who asked, when are you

737
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,600
going to have kids?
Is a very common question for

738
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:10,920
newlyweds for a very long time.
And it gets worse, by the way,

739
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:16,080
as you go.
So I would tell people, I don't

740
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:19,760
know when we're going to have
kids, but I know we will because

741
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,000
this is what happened.
And they're like, oh, I've never

742
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:23,560
had that happen to me.
Tell me more.

743
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,920
So it was always a story that I
could share that would share

744
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:30,120
more about an intimate
relationship with God that maybe

745
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:33,400
they would desire more.
After having that conversation,

746
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:36,120
my husband defended me.
He's like, it's my fault.

747
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,400
I just don't want him right now.
You know, he would jump in.

748
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:40,880
So it was it was great.
It wasn't all on me, you know,

749
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:44,960
but here's conversations about
having kids, you know, for

750
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:48,920
people when you're a newlywed
and into several years.

751
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:55,680
And then I, I did, finally he's
came to me and he said, OK, I'm

752
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:58,840
ready to have kids.
I've done all the travelling,

753
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:01,160
I've eaten where I wanted to
eat, I've done shopped where I

754
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:04,040
wanted to shop and I'm bored,
let's have kids.

755
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:08,400
And so, yeah, he said let's,
let's start.

756
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:13,320
And so we started.
And, you know, up up to a

757
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:15,520
certain point, that's pretty
easy.

758
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:21,000
But then I got pregnant and then
I lost that baby and that that

759
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,720
was hard because this is not,
I'm not going to compare myself

760
00:45:23,720 --> 00:45:27,440
to Abraham and the whole Isaac
thing, but this is my own kind

761
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:31,320
of Abraham and Isaac thing
because here is the long-awaited

762
00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:35,760
promised in my belly and it is
no longer there.

763
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:39,600
That's a hard moment.
And then I said to my husband

764
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:42,600
and my mother-in-law and anybody
else who was around, and I said

765
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,840
it must not be my son and I'm
going to wait.

766
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:50,800
I even went in for a sonogram
when I was pregnant with my son.

767
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:53,080
And the sonogram gal told me it
was a girl.

768
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:56,160
It's like, Nope, it's a boy.
Everybody was trying to tell me

769
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:57,960
it was a girl.
It's like, Nope, it's a boy.

770
00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:00,320
I already know it's a blonde
haired boy.

771
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:06,160
And when I birthed him at home,
which was a delight, I, they put

772
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:09,720
him in my arms and they said, Oh
yeah, it's a head full of blonde

773
00:46:09,720 --> 00:46:11,240
hair.
And I was like, I already knew.

774
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:16,520
I already knew.
Yeah, and I suspect you named

775
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:19,320
him Josiah.
It did, yes.

776
00:46:19,720 --> 00:46:23,480
Josiah.
His full name means healed and

777
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,840
supported by the fire of a
gracious God to the victorious

778
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:28,240
end.
He has quite a name.

779
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:32,880
Yeah, that's for sure.
Wow.

780
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:35,840
That's where you can heap out on
thanks.

781
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:38,120
Yeah.
My daughter's name, she came

782
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,600
about two years later.
Three years later.

783
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:44,360
Excuse me.
Her name is Cassia and her full

784
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:48,920
name means broken and crushed to
perfection by God through prayer

785
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:52,480
to the victorious end.
Wow, a lot of gravity in those

786
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:53,560
names.
Yeah.

787
00:46:55,240 --> 00:46:58,880
Kathy, I think you've got a
really unique opportunity right

788
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:04,600
here in this moment to help
inspire some hope for folks.

789
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:08,800
And I'm and I'm with with the
question that I'm going to ask

790
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:15,280
you and that is you were talking
about waiting with expectancy.

791
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:21,360
And the reason why I think
you're so well positioned to

792
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:27,560
talk about this is that 10 years
for almost everything is not a

793
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:30,160
short period of time, you know
what I mean?

794
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:38,040
So you've got actual experience
waiting with expectancy and I

795
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:43,040
want I'd love to hear more about
that and how you were so

796
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:47,880
convicted.
God is who He says He is, and

797
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:51,680
one of the things I knew was
that I was not so special that I

798
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:55,320
was going to be the first person
he let down or the first person

799
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:59,160
he promised something to and
didn't come through for, or the

800
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:03,160
first person that he lied to or
the first person that he failed.

801
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,280
I'm not that special for the God
of the universe, for the very

802
00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:09,360
first time to drop the ball with
me.

803
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:14,960
It's not going to happen.
So I was confident that the God

804
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:18,000
who did it in the past is the
God who will do it again in the

805
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:20,520
future.
And I think that's a very

806
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:24,760
important part of my life
mission.

807
00:48:25,240 --> 00:48:31,200
If God is the God who sees Hagar
in the desert, he's the God who

808
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:36,720
sees us now and sees the
injustice that's done to us now

809
00:48:36,720 --> 00:48:39,480
or the justice injustice done to
me in the past.

810
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:46,480
And if he is Jehovah Jireh to
Abraham, which basically means

811
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:50,000
the same thing, but it says
because God sees he's going to

812
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:55,840
do something about it, or if
he's the judge, or if he's the

813
00:48:55,840 --> 00:49:00,040
shepherd, who's going to guide
me if he was that way in the

814
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:05,000
past, because he never changes.
He said I, the Lord, do not

815
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,680
change.
There's no shadow of change in

816
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:10,600
me because he's the God who did
it once.

817
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:12,440
He's the God who do it again
now.

818
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,520
I fully expect at some point in
time to see somebody tell a

819
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,440
story about a burning Bush.
Like everything he's done in the

820
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:21,680
past, he will, can and will do
again.

821
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:26,440
Because not because he wants to
show off, but because it's his

822
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:29,560
nature to do those things.
It's his nature to have a

823
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:32,000
relationship.
It's his nature to show up.

824
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:35,520
It's his nature to lead Angel
armies and deliver you out of

825
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:39,040
the hands of an enemy.
This is what he does, and what

826
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:41,440
he does is never separated from
who he is.

827
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:45,000
The 2 are always together in
tandem.

828
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:47,480
That's what it means to be a
faithful God.

829
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:54,840
So hope to me looks like knowing
that the God who did it once,

830
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:58,960
the God who promises it and
always, always fulfills his

831
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:05,600
promise, it's going to happen.
But my part, this is, I think

832
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:10,440
the hard part, my part is
letting go of what it might look

833
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:12,880
like.
I had to let go with whether or

834
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:15,880
not those children would be
birthed from me, like maybe they

835
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,320
dropped off at my doorstep.
I don't know.

836
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:21,600
But I was going to trust that I
would get those children.

837
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:25,600
And I knew that one was a boy,
what was a girl?

838
00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:29,400
And those are my 2.
I wanted 10 but two will do.

839
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:33,560
Thanks, Kathy.
That's really helpful.

840
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,720
I think so many people are going
to be blessed by hearing all of

841
00:50:36,720 --> 00:50:38,080
that.
And I mean that.

842
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:43,560
Thank you.
We, we've covered a lot of

843
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:47,040
ground.
This has been fabulous from my

844
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:50,680
perspective.
And as we land our conversation,

845
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:55,120
we ask all of our guests 2
questions, and the first of

846
00:50:55,120 --> 00:51:00,200
which is were the things that
you've described, and you've

847
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:03,360
described a lot here, right?
But let's talk about things like

848
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:07,960
the need or the prompt to speak
James right over that particular

849
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:13,440
person or pray James, or the
vision of Josiah and your

850
00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:16,000
daughter.
There's all kinds of different

851
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,560
things that you described
throughout this conversation.

852
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:24,760
Were those things, Kathy
coincidence that they occurred,

853
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:29,800
or was that God in action?
Well, I think the proof is in

854
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:34,880
the pudding.
So if it was a coincidence, and

855
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,360
by the way, you really can only
have one coincidence.

856
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:41,320
You can't have a lot of them.
So the sheer number is kind of

857
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:47,440
helpful to dispel that one.
But the key thing is the proof.

858
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:51,040
And I do think that's why we're
supposed to have fruit because

859
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:55,080
it's the proof.
If God is speaking and you say

860
00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:59,960
what he says and then he does
what he, you spoke through you

861
00:51:59,960 --> 00:52:03,160
to say to that person, then you
know it was God.

862
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:06,720
I know that there are people who
who will just throw things out

863
00:52:06,720 --> 00:52:09,600
there and say any old thing that
they want to say, and there are

864
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:12,280
people like that, but there has
to be fruit.

865
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:14,840
You have to look at the fruit.
Is it coming to pass?

866
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:16,960
Is it coming true?
Yep.

867
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:19,360
And Yep.
So that's when we know it's

868
00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:25,960
proved that this was God.
Yeah, really, really neat that

869
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:28,400
you describe it that way.
You're actually not the first

870
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:31,320
that has used almost that exact
phrase.

871
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:37,040
And I say that not to take any,
any originality away, but truly

872
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:41,080
just to to, you know, affirm and
reaffirm what you each have

873
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:44,040
said.
So how has your life changed,

874
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:48,000
Kathy, based on everything that
you've described for us?

875
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:55,840
I think the main thing that has
changed for me looking back at

876
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:59,040
that 17 almost 18 year old
getting married.

877
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:02,960
The main thing that has changed
is that I have proven him to

878
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:08,640
myself over and over again and
I'm awfully good and awfully

879
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:16,280
fast at finding out what he's
doing in a situation instead of

880
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:20,680
waiting to ask 10,000 other
people for their advice.

881
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:26,880
Though I love advice or even
worrying about something before

882
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:33,320
I take it to him or in the in
the case of prayer, going down A

883
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:36,400
to do list, you know, and
praying that one of those

884
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:38,960
prayers is going to hit the
heart of God and get me what I'm

885
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,400
asking for.
I don't pray like that anymore.

886
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:44,600
I asked him, what do you want?
What are you doing?

887
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:48,560
What are you after?
And then he tells me and just

888
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:51,440
like we just said, when it
proves to be true that I'm like,

889
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:55,200
OK, that was you.
Sometimes it's very specific.

890
00:53:55,200 --> 00:54:00,520
Like right after I had Josiah, I
felt blessed to have a child

891
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:04,920
with such help that I began to
pray for other women who did not

892
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:06,560
have that same blessing.
And their children were going

893
00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:10,000
through so much.
And so it was intense prayer

894
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,320
session sometimes.
And they would post this,

895
00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:16,560
there's groups on Facebook and
they'd say something like pray

896
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:18,960
fast.
My, my, the doctor just came in

897
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:21,040
and said that if she doesn't get
a kidney today, she's going to

898
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,080
die.
Like that kind of life and death

899
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:24,800
situation.
I'm not talking about pray for

900
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:27,640
me so that I can get this job or
not get this job, which is a

901
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:29,960
fine prayer too, but it's just
not life and death.

902
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:33,960
And so I would ask the Lord,
what do you want me to pray for

903
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:36,320
this?
And I would pray specifically

904
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:39,280
what he said, even if I didn't
understand the medical jargon.

905
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:45,240
I just prayed whatever he said.
And then after I felt released,

906
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:49,080
done with the prayer time, I
would text the mom and say this

907
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:51,120
is what I prayed for, this is
what I felt.

908
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:57,400
I heard blessings and many
times, not dozens more like

909
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:02,320
maybe closer to 60-70 times,
they would text me back and say

910
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:06,160
things like, I can't tell you
but this just happened.

911
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:09,280
The one I was just giving an
example of, she said the kidney

912
00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:13,600
arrived as you texted me.
OK, that's God.

913
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:17,080
It's not coincidence, you know,
and, and putting yourself out

914
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:20,800
there to say, I really feel like
this is what God said to me is,

915
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:23,080
you know, it's a scary thing,
but I'm bold now.

916
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:24,920
It's like, what do I have to
lose?

917
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:28,400
If he has told me before, he'll
tell me again he's going to

918
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,840
move.
He's been doing it all along.

919
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:32,240
People are just not trained to
see it.

920
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:35,160
And so I'd say that's the big
difference is I'm more trained

921
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,800
to see it now.
Yeah.

922
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:42,080
And perhaps much more willing to
see it, right.

923
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:45,000
I mean, clearly you're
describing a discipline in that,

924
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:47,080
right, in terms of in the
training.

925
00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:54,920
Yeah.
Wow, Kathy, thank you.

926
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:57,800
You're welcome.
Thank you for breaking this

927
00:55:57,800 --> 00:55:59,560
down.
Thank you for sharing with

928
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:03,040
transparency and with honesty
and with insight.

929
00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:06,520
It's been a wonderful
conversation when you look is

930
00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:11,160
literally powered these
incredible stories from ordinary

931
00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:13,840
people and you have truly
blessed us today.

932
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:15,400
So thank you.
Thank you.

933
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:21,400
I appreciate you having me.
I hope your audience is is able

934
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:24,160
to take sink their teeth into
it.

935
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:25,880
Take it and sink their teeth
into it.

936
00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:34,880
Yeah, me as well.
Was it coincidence or God?

937
00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:40,120
You decide for yourself, but I
believe you just heard a story

938
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:44,080
for His glory.
When You Look is powered by

939
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:47,640
stories just like this and yours
could be next.

940
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:52,240
Go to whenyoulook.com/be a guest
or use the link in the

941
00:56:52,240 --> 00:56:56,200
description below.
Drop us a comment and share this

942
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:58,320
episode with somebody that needs
it.

943
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:03,080
Until next time, thanks a bunch
for listening and watching, and

944
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:03,880
God bless.