She Spoke With an Angel During a Horrific Crash | Katelyn Boston | 043

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My car spun at least six times
in a circle as my body went

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forward.
I felt this whoosh and I have

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never felt anything like it
before.

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I'm shaking right now just
thinking about like how

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overwhelming it was.
I could feel the swoosh of my

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guardian angels wings.
They were brushing up against my

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forearm.
I could feel a cool touch to my

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forehead and an audible voice.
Welcome to When You Look, where

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ordinary people share their
extraordinary experiences and

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you get to decide, was it
coincidence or God?

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Caitlin, welcome to When You
Look.

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Super excited to have you on the
show.

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Genuinely, genuinely glad you're
here.

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Thank you for having me.
My pleasure, truly, we are super

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excited because your story is
incredible, like so many other

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stories that we have here on
when you look.

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Before we jump into that,
though, tell us a little bit

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about yourself.
OK, my name is Caitlin.

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I'm a mom to five beautiful
children ranging from 13 to 4

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and my husband and I've been
married for 14 years and we're

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celebrating 15 years together
this coming November.

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Fun fact, he is my kindergarten
crush.

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I've known him for that long and
we're just living life.

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We live in East Tennessee and we
absolutely love it.

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Two years ago my life took an
unexpected turn and I became a

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preschool coordinator.
Definitely a whole nother God

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story just in how I was more
than content to being a stay at

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home mom and God said Nope I
have bigger plans for you and

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here you go.
So I've been doing that for the

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past year and a half ish and I
absolutely love it.

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I can't have any more kids of my
own.

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So my husband said you just
found a job that now you get to

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see.
All the little kids have said

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yes but I get to send them home
with their parents when I'm

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done.
I don't get to bring them all

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home, which is which is good.
Yeah, wow.

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That is that is wonderful and
such a unique and interesting

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fun fact.
The kindergarten crush.

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I mean, I've heard high school
sweethearts, but that one takes

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it to a whole nother level, so.
Really.

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Yeah.
Wow, awesome.

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Well, thank you for that context
and info about you and that

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introduction.
Let's get into your story.

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Give us a little bit of back
story so that we understand what

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was happening in the world, your
world if you will, and then walk

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us through things as they went
for you.

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OK, so I guess to start off, it
would be like 2 days before the

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actual accident, so it would
have been April 17th.

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We were in full prep mode at our
church that I work and serve at.

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It was for Easter and we had
five services planned for this

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Easter.
That's pretty typical for our

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church.
And Friday night was the first

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one.
So Thursday night, of course,

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we're prepping and all that.
And my husband kept on asking

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me.
He said, Caitlin, he's like,

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you're tired.
When are you going to rest?

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Like and you could physically
just feel that I was getting

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very like tired.
I was pushing, pushing.

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You know how we do we it's
administrates a calling.

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Therefore, you just kind of
pushed on through and I said

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after Easter, after Easter, I
will rest.

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I want to spend more time,
quality time with you, but it

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just needs to wait until after
Easter.

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I've got 5 services and then I
can take the next week.

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I can kind of just relax and
rest and recharge.

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And he's like, OK, so there is
just something on Thursday

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afternoon that and I honestly
believe it's the Holy Spirit.

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Just tell me you need to prep
more for Easter.

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You need to prep more and I was
like OK, so I had gotten my

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boxes all out.
I like to be very organized

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especially we have about, we
average around 175 on any given

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Sunday total for just
preschoolers.

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So for Easter we tend to get a
lot more than that.

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We get a lot more first time
guests.

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So I just wanted to be prepared
so I wouldn't have to be running

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back and forth.
I actually could be there for

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our families and our kids.
And so I had prepped my extra

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boxes for the services and I was
like, OK, this is good.

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I actually feel like well
prepared.

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I do it all out of my prep at
home.

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So I would, I would had my kids
help me load them in the car,

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let them in my husband's car.
And I was like, they'll just

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stay there till after Friday
night and then I'll bring them

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in Friday night and prep them
for Sunday.

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So I don't set out Saturday, so
I don't have to come back on

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Saturday.
I can spend the day with my

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family.
I really wanted to spend Easter

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Saturday like with my family.
We had family out of town come

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in.
So I was just trying to like,

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you know, extra pep.
But it was the Holy Spirit

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nudging me the whole entire time
because obviously he knows all

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things.
He, you know, he knew it was

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going to happen before I did.
So we decided Friday night was

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going to be our family service.
So we always sit together for

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one service and Friday night's
always slower.

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It's typically a lot of our
serve team and our staff.

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It's very more intimate because
it's just smaller.

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So I said I really want to go to
this one.

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I said I know like there won't
be a ton of kids, so we'll go to

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this one.
So we are all dressed up in our

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Easter outfits.
So I wanted to take a picture,

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you know, as every mom does.
Kids are all dressed up in

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bathe.
Let's you know, let's take a

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picture.
So we got a picture and then my

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husband said he's like, I'll
take the kids home because we

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had driven separately.
We typically do for big events

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because I'm typically have to be
there like a good hour ahead of

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time, whereas he can just come
in right as the service starts

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just so the kids are at home a
little bit more.

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And so he said I'll take the
kids home.

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He's like I said, I can, if I
finish prepping tonight, then I

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don't have to come back
tomorrow.

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I'd really like to not have to
come back tomorrow.

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He's like, oh, you do that.
No, definitely go and make it

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easier for yourself because you
could just tell I was stressed.

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So a friend of mine offered to
help me bring in my totes from

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the trunk.
So we did that and then said

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goodbye to my team.
We had our family photo done at

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that point, talked to a few of
the staff members in the parking

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lot just, well, you know,
wishing them a good Easter.

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And then I was driving home and
I live about 30 minutes from

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home, so churches in Knoxville
and I live in Sevierville, like

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Sevier County, so it's like 30
minutes away.

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And I just remember like
reminding us like, I haven't

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eaten all day.
This is the problem because I

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could definitely like as I was
coming off my adrenaline from

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all of this, I'm like, this is
not good.

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Like I have not eaten all day.
And I'm like, no, my husband

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hasn't probably eaten either.
So I texted him.

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I was like, what do you want
from Freddy's, which is like a a

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chain restaurant.
On the way home, I passed it.

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I was like, I will bring you
something home.

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What do you want?
Because I figured at that point

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he probably already have the
kids down to bed and I can't

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just sit.
I just want to sit with you on

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the sofa.
That's what I told him.

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I was like, I just want to sit
on the sofa with you and just

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relax.
When I get home, I'll, you know,

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I'll bring milkshakes home with
me and, you know, food and, you

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know, just better relax because
the only rest we're going to get

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all weekend.
And him and I both knew that.

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So just driving down to Bill was
really quiet.

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It was Friday night.
It was like after 8:30.

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So it was like close to 9:00 and
it was odd to me like that.

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All of the lights were like just
looking back on.

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All of the lights had turned
green at the same time.

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So I did not hit any of the
lights.

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The only light that I hit was
the light at Freddy's and to go

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into Freddy's, there's five
lanes of traffic.

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So you have like your two lanes
that go one way, the two lanes

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to go straight and then you have
your turning lane.

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Well, to make a lot in that
Plaza you you thankfully now it

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has its own light.
It didn't used to it didn't used

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to have its own turning lane.
That's a nice feature that

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they've added, but I was just
member sitting there in that

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light and there's always, I live
in this area that lives in my

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home, like stomping grounds.
I'm like 5 minutes from home.

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There are so many accidents at
this one particular light that

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anytime I go to make a left or
right in and out of the Plaza, I

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always pause for a few seconds
because people run this light on

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the regular.
And it was dark.

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And I was like, I don't want to
be one of those people where the

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one coming traffic jumps the gun
and I get hit because like I've

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seen that a time or two.
So I was like, OK, just be

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patient.
So I'm at the light.

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I'm sitting there and the light
turns green for me to go.

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I watch an SUV pull out in front
of me and make their left hand

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turn.
And then as they're halfway

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through, I start.
So I'm like, OK, well, now we're

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good.
You know, they've already gone.

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There's nobody else.
So I started making my left and

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I took my foot off the gas
pedal.

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I'm off the brake pedal and
gently tactics.

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It's not really far and started
moving my like turning to make

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that left and then all of a
sudden I just heard this metal

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crunch and I could feel the
impact.

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And I remember going forward
like in my seat like really

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quick.
And I remember saying, Oh God,

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was all I remember getting out.
And in that split second, it was

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like I felt like I I don't want
to die.

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I I don't want.
I knew I hadn't gotten hit.

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I'd seen wrecks at that place.
So like Arctic, you have to

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remember like already a few
minutes ago, I was already

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thinking of I need to pause
because I don't want to be a

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wreck running through all of
these different scenarios in my

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head and seeing how accidents at
that intersection all have to

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end up poorly.
I'm like, I don't want to die.

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So a little bit of back story
real quick with that is I've

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suffered with depression since I
was like 16 years old in 2020,

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got really bad.
I was very suicidal.

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I attempted suicide and God has
healed me so much in five years.

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But even with medication that
I've been on and therapy, it's

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still, it's still a weight that
I carry.

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I could, I used to be able to
physically feel that weight on

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my chest.
People that have suffered with

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depression, especially chronic
depression, understand what that

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means.
But like, given I was given that

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where death is like literally
almost feel like it's looking

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you in the face.
It's like, I want to live.

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Like I don't want to die.
Like no.

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And you can ask my husband, I'm
a very stubborn, strong

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individual, good and bad.
And I was like, no.

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I was like, oh God.
And I remember coming forward

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and then at that moment as my
body went forward, sorry as my

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body went forward, I felt this
whoosh and I have never felt

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anything like it before.
I'm shaking right now just

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thinking about like how
overwhelming it was.

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I could feel the swoosh of my
guardian angels wings just

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completely like like this and
like give me a hug.

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I could feel the feather like
his feathers on his of his

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wings.
They were brushing up against my

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forearm.
I could feel a cool touch to my

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forehead and an audible voice.
I believe it was male.

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It definitely wasn't female.
Said just let go because that

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point I was still holding onto
the steering wheel and it's he

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said it again, just let go.
And I just LED that.

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I put literally put my hands up,
put my hand, crossed my hands in

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front of my face and I didn't
feel anything after that.

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It was like I was in a bubble.
My car spun at least six times

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in a circle.
I didn't hit any of the oncoming

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traffic.
I didn't hit any of the four

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telephone poles that I could
have hit.

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I didn't hit anyone else.
It was just that one, that one

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00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:36,080
car and me and people have asked
me like, why didn't you see him?

225
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:40,760
Well, he was being chased by the
by the police through three

226
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:44,400
different counties by 9 police
off patrol cars behind him.

227
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:48,840
But because he came up that hill
and then swerve around, I did

228
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,560
not see him at all and he didn't
have his lights on.

229
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:53,520
It was, it was a silver car.
He didn't have his lights on.

230
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,320
I there was no way for me to see
him.

231
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:01,280
And I honestly believe like that
was also providential as well

232
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,200
because I would have tensed up
and the damage could have been

233
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:07,000
so much worse.
I could have tried to evade him.

234
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,280
I could have hit somebody else.
Like as it was, it was just me

235
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:15,000
and his car were the only two
like in the actual wreck, which

236
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,640
again is just providential just
in itself.

237
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:23,440
I remember when as I was
spinning, my body didn't move at

238
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,000
all.
So like I was like physically in

239
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,000
this bubble and the inch I could
feel the compression of like

240
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,800
getting a hug, like it's that
warm, almost like that motherly

241
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,880
hug that you get that just makes
everything just feel so much

242
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,600
better.
And that's how like I can I just

243
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:41,040
how I describe it.
And he he told me he's like,

244
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,040
it's not your time to die today.
You're not going to die today.

245
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,920
He's like, you're not you're not
going to die.

246
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,920
I'm like, OK.
And I said and I just remember I

247
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,000
need to stay awake.
I don't want to pass out.

248
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,840
I don't want to.
I don't want to pass out.

249
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,440
I want to I want to see my kids
again.

250
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,560
So I started naming off.
I have 5 kids.

251
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:04,720
So I started naming them off 1
after another and I got to went

252
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:08,200
to go back to start saying them
again for the third time and the

253
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:13,880
Angel said you missed 1.
And I was like, excuse me?

254
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,360
He said, you missed 1, You need
to say her name.

255
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,640
And I was like, OK, so I get
that point.

256
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,840
Then I'm crying, not because I'm
in pain, because the

257
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:27,680
overwhelming sense of just
relief that they're just washed

258
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:31,040
over me.
I lost a daughter before Daniel

259
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:34,800
and I were dating at 21 weeks.
Her name was Liliana Grace.

260
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:39,600
She had several birth defects
and God called her home early

261
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:43,160
and that is something that I've
struggled with for what the past

262
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,640
her birthday is actually
November 9th in 15 years I've I

263
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,600
was struggling with this.
I've done different therapies,

264
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,560
I've gone different counselors
and it's gotten better, but I

265
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,480
never like stopped blaming
myself entirely.

266
00:13:55,480 --> 00:14:01,160
There was just an overwhelming
sense of sadness and God knew I

267
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:05,040
needed healing from that.
And I had we do 21 days of

268
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:09,480
prayer at our church and for 21
days of prayer in January, I

269
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:14,040
said, Lord, I have tried healing
this my way and I am fully

270
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:18,120
surrendering it to you.
Please heal me any which way you

271
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:21,120
can from this because I can't do
it myself.

272
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,680
And at that point I was still
having like I was still dealing

273
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,440
with depression.
I said I can carry my

274
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,680
depression.
I've done it for years.

275
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,680
I can carry this and still serve
you.

276
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,920
But this is something that I
need healing from that only you

277
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:37,440
can give, please, if it be your
will, heal me from this.

278
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,720
And that for me at that moment,
that was my healing moment.

279
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:44,520
That physical weight that was
lifted off my shoulders in that

280
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:49,320
car was tremendous.
So I said her name with my other

281
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,800
five kids names twice.
And he said, I need you to know

282
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,480
something.
He's like, God wants you to know

283
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,920
something.
I was like, OK, she is whole.

284
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,760
She is not in pain and she's
watching after the other ones

285
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,760
that you've miscarried and
they're waiting for you.

286
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,960
As a mom, I needed to hear that.
I have been looking and

287
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,840
searching of how to heal and
just in that one moment, I don't

288
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:15,400
even know how long it was, God
immediately just said you're

289
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,320
healed.
And that was something that I

290
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,880
could never have done on my own
strength.

291
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,600
And I know that for sure.
Like I tried, clearly it tried.

292
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:28,920
And just for God to say you've
carried it enough, you're I'm

293
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,120
going to heal you.
I'm choosing to heal you was

294
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:38,480
absolutely amazing to me.
And then the, the car finally

295
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:43,720
came to a stop and they just
said it's my time to go.

296
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,800
I'm like, OK, He's like, you're
going to be OK.

297
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,720
The police are here, You're
you're good.

298
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,760
You're not going to die, you're
going to be OK.

299
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:57,480
But it's my time to leave.
And so as I'm, as I can feel him

300
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,120
like, you know, how you, you the
release from that hug, you can

301
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,160
kind of like feel it release.
Yeah.

302
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:07,400
I could feel him let go.
And as he's letting go, I'm

303
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:12,240
looking down now and I just see
this dark stormy cloud just

304
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:18,440
hovering in front of my chest.
And I can feel the pull, that

305
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:23,120
inner struggle that my body that
myself is having with this dark

306
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:27,000
cloud in front of me.
And he said, let go.

307
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:33,960
And I, I just, I just, I didn't
even know what I was looking at

308
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,440
that time.
And I just remember fully

309
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,400
surrendering.
I just fully surrendered.

310
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,720
That dark cloud was the
depression that I had been

311
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:45,360
holding on to for 16 years.
I had been carrying it.

312
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:49,120
I had been serving in ministry
still, but that was my drive.

313
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,960
The the reason that I got up in
the morning was to be with my

314
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:56,160
five kids to serve my preschool
families, to serve my church, to

315
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,120
serve God.
Like that's that was my reason

316
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,400
and my motivation, like for
getting up in the morning like

317
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:04,839
this was this was it.
And to feel that depression

318
00:17:04,839 --> 00:17:06,800
cloud literally just be like
pulled.

319
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:12,640
I could feel the pull and as he
like as his wings went out, that

320
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,680
dark cloud just dissipated and
it was gone.

321
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,079
It was just completely gone.
And at that point in time, I

322
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:19,079
still didn't realize what I was
looking at.

323
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,160
At that moment.
I did not have like I remember

324
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,280
it happening, but at that time,
I don't think my brain connected

325
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,560
to what was actually happening
because again, like it's

326
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,960
depression.
It's like it's also in and you

327
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,880
know, in your brain.
I thought, I feel like it was

328
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,640
not.
God had healed me, but he

329
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,200
didn't.
He knew it wasn't the right time

330
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:39,480
to reveal that to me just yet,
that he was going to, he was

331
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,240
going to move in other ways to
show me because I was just so

332
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:48,880
overwhelmed at that point.
And so after the police opened

333
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:52,120
my doors, they said, ma'am, I'm
like, yes, like, and they asked

334
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,560
me to get ma'am.
I'm like, yes, I'm right here.

335
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:59,440
So they said, you're alive.
I'm like, am I not supposed to

336
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,480
be?
He's like, no, you shouldn't be.

337
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,080
I'm like, why?
He's like, your head should have

338
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,240
hit that steering wheel so hard
it should have cracked your

339
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,560
skull right opening.
You would have bled out.

340
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,120
I just, it would have been done.
And I said I said, OK, well, I

341
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,440
didn't.
He's like, did you hit your

342
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,000
head?
I said no, I didn't hit my head.

343
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,200
He's like, that is not possible.
He's like, I watched your car

344
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,000
get hit.
There is no way that it is

345
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:22,760
possible that you did not hit
your head.

346
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:27,000
I'm like, well, I didn't.
And they said, are you in pain?

347
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,280
I'm like, I think I got the wind
knocked out of me.

348
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:33,360
He's like, yeah, definitely.
No duh.

349
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,160
Oh, it's like at that point,
like I had, I didn't see what my

350
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,520
car looked like.
I couldn't like my dashboard

351
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,360
looked fine.
I could tell like there was like

352
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:45,240
the obviously damage to the car,
but internally, like it looked,

353
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,640
it was dark.
It looked OK, looked fine.

354
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,360
He's like, OK, well, I need to
examine you to make sure that

355
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:53,680
you're not like there's not your
body is not in shock.

356
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:58,640
And I was like, OK, so like he
does like his like once over to

357
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,280
make sure that there's no blood
anywhere.

358
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,840
And then they see blood on the
floor and they said, OK, well,

359
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,920
we need to check this out.
And I was like, OK, it was like,

360
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,520
we're I'm sorry.
He's like going to have to cut

361
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,400
your pants.
I'm like, yeah, I know.

362
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,440
Fun fact was it's the first time
I got to wear that outfit.

363
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,120
I was super excited about
wearing that outfit.

364
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:19,560
It was my Easter outfit.
I was really excited.

365
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,320
I was like, yes, it's fine.
So he cuts my pant and he's

366
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:29,560
like, oh, that's fun.
I'm like, what's fun?

367
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,600
He's like, well, your bone is
sticking out of your leg.

368
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,920
I'm like, oh, that's great.
I couldn't feel it at this time.

369
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,720
Like I couldn't feel it.
It was obviously still a little

370
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,400
bit of shock.
And I was like, OK, he's like,

371
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,880
well, do you want to see it?
I'm like, honestly, at that

372
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:47,960
point, I had nothing else better
to do.

373
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,840
I was like, sure, why not?
He's like, OK, he's like, I'll

374
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,200
get, I'll show you my
flashlight.

375
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,200
So he takes his flashlight and
shows it down on my leg.

376
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,880
And I'm looking at my leg with
my bones sticking out of it.

377
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:03,520
And the first thought in my
head, I kid you not, was that

378
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,360
looks like an Olive Garden
breadstick.

379
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,840
That was my first thought.
What's wrong with me?

380
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:15,280
Seriously.
You said you hadn't had anything

381
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,960
to eat that day.
So no, probably clean.

382
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,680
I was like, I told my husband,
he's like the first.

383
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,080
He's like the first.
That was the first thought that

384
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:27,360
entered your head.
I'm like, yeah, he's like, he's

385
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,720
like, well, at least you have
good taste.

386
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,200
I'm like, yeah, their
breadsticks are pretty good,

387
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,160
aren't they?
He's like I said, I said, did I

388
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,200
ruin them for you?
He's like, no, I'm like, that's

389
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,960
good, because I definitely
didn't ruin them for me.

390
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,160
I'm still planning on eating
them.

391
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:41,520
So he's like, OK, so the police
officer said, OK, don't move.

392
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:45,360
I'm like, wasn't hanging on it.
I'm like, I have a really, I can

393
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:47,560
have like a really dark sense of
humor sometimes.

394
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:51,480
It's like a coping mechanism.
Well, then he picks it up.

395
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,040
He picks up my leg.
I don't know what what was

396
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,080
running through his brain that
this was going to be a good idea

397
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:02,320
because it was definitely not.
So he picked it up and I was

398
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,200
like, well, then all the pain
started.

399
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:08,320
It was almost like it went from
no pain at all to it started in

400
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:10,840
my head and literally went all
the way down.

401
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,360
Like my whole body just was like
almost like that upload bar.

402
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,400
You see, it was just like, that
was exactly what it is.

403
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,440
And I said, well, you had now
have a new job.

404
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,560
He was like, excuse me, I was
like, you're not letting that

405
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,120
go.
That is your new job.

406
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:26,120
You picked it up.
You are not allowed to drop it.

407
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,920
That's your new job.
He's like, yes, ma'am, I'm like,

408
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,960
great answer.
He's like, I have to do

409
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,560
something else.
Like I know I'm not going to

410
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,040
like what you're going to say.
He's like, no, probably not.

411
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:41,640
He said your left foot is hooked
around your right ankle and I

412
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:47,240
have to take it off.
I'm like, take it off.

413
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,520
He's like, it's still attached.
I'm like, well, that's good.

414
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,200
But what do you mean by take it
off?

415
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,640
He's like, well, it's stuck.
It's like hooked around your

416
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,560
leg.
He's like, so we're going to

417
00:21:56,560 --> 00:22:00,680
have to fix this.
And I'm like, OK, he's like,

418
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:05,080
this is going to hurt.
I'm like just don't preface with

419
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:05,960
that.
I'm just going to leave it.

420
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,480
Don't preface with that.
So he unhooked my foot and then

421
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,520
of course then it's just
flopping there and it's not a

422
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,560
good, not a good scene.
So that's when I'm like, I'm

423
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,280
trying really hard to keep it
together and I'm not like a

424
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,760
normally like a screamer just
not had five kids.

425
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,840
It's not my jam.
And I'm like, this is like thing

426
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,560
in my head.
This is the worst pain I've ever

427
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,760
been in my entire life and I've
had five children naturally.

428
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:31,520
This is like literally the worst
pain I have ever been in my

429
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,840
entire life.
I'm thinking about why did he

430
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,520
why did the guardian Angel have
to leave?

431
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,040
Could he not have stayed here
for like another 2 minutes like

432
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:44,400
2 whatever is fine.
So The funny thing was they're

433
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,560
all standing around my car like
the police officers, the fire

434
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,600
truck is now here and they're
just kind of like hanging out,

435
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,760
like no sense of urgency like
here.

436
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,280
And I was like, I finally asked
the officer who is still like

437
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,280
holding my leg, 'cause, you
know, it's his job now.

438
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,480
And I said, what's going on?
He's like, they can't figure out

439
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,760
how to get you out of the car.
I'm like, is it really that

440
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,320
hard?
Like is the car really that bad

441
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,960
that like you can't Get Me Out?
He's like, well, your seats

442
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,440
don't go back down far enough
for us to be able to like get

443
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,120
the Gurney in there and slide
you out.

444
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:17,280
I'm like, like, I didn't hurt my
neck.

445
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:20,440
My back is fine.
It's that it's literally just my

446
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,280
leg, like the one that you're
holding.

447
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,360
I said, can I, can we work
together to do this?

448
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:31,920
Well then I hear a pop not from
my body but from the car and the

449
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:35,560
car lit on fire.
And at that point I'm thinking

450
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,200
OK like I've gone through this
accident.

451
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:41,320
Now I'm visibly seeing smoke and
flames coming through my in

452
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,640
front of the passenger side in
front of like where the the

453
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,120
window like the windshield is on
the other side.

454
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:53,360
It's like 1 visibly smoking.
It's filling up the the car with

455
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:55,240
like, smoke.
It's still pretty thin at that

456
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,400
point, but it like, it's
escalating really quickly.

457
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:01,280
So he calls over for one of the
police officers to go to his

458
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,800
boot and grab his fire
extinguisher and put it out

459
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,880
because the firefighters had
just got in there and they

460
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,680
weren't prepped yet.
So meanwhile, like, he throws

461
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,480
his jacket over top of my face
and they start putting out the

462
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:14,480
fire.
And then I told him I looked and

463
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:18,000
I was like, I need you to Get Me
Out of here Now I said, I have

464
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,320
I'm trying to be get my anxiety
under control.

465
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,200
I said, but this is pushing it.
I'm going to have an anxiety

466
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,920
attack.
My husband isn't here.

467
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,920
This is not going to go well
Because I knew like if I got to

468
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:29,560
that point, it was not going to
go well.

469
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:32,040
And I said, have you gotten a
hold of my husband yet?

470
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:33,960
He's like, we've tried to call
him 12 times.

471
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,240
He's not answering because I
kept on asking like I need my

472
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,920
husband, I need Daniel.
He's been my rock through

473
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,920
everything.
I need Daniel like I need my

474
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,320
husband and he's like we're
trying to get a hold of him.

475
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,960
I said you know, is there
anybody else we can call?

476
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,040
I said call my mother-in-law and
she's like, yes, that she lives

477
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:52,320
5 minutes from my house.
If we call her and she picks up,

478
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,480
she can get a hold of them.
Like she knows, like she'll get

479
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,080
a hold of them.
I said maybe he's putting the

480
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:57,800
kids to bed at that point.
Like I had no clue.

481
00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,160
Like where his.
Yeah.

482
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,400
So he's like they said, OK,
well, what's her number?

483
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,840
Well, OK, even to this day, I
don't remember what her number

484
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,680
is.
But that day I repeated it not

485
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,480
once but twice, and it was the
correct number.

486
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,000
I don't still do you ask me.
No, don't remember.

487
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,800
I know the last four, but that
doesn't help me if I don't know

488
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:18,560
the first 3.
So it's just amazing just to see

489
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,560
how like, even though like God
gave me clarity of mine, I, my

490
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,000
brain was never fuzzy.
I never passed out.

491
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,960
I there was moments that I
wished I'd passed out because of

492
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:29,760
how much pain I went into so
quickly, but still like was able

493
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:33,800
to converse with all of them.
And so they said, OK, we got a

494
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:35,840
hold of your, we got a hold of
your mother-in-law.

495
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:37,040
She's going to get a hold of
your husband.

496
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,360
I'm like, great.
I said, now can you Get Me Out

497
00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:41,400
of the car please?
Because the fire, the fire had

498
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:42,720
been done.
They got it out.

499
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,120
Now we've moved on.
And they said, well, we still

500
00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:47,480
can't figure it out yet.
I said, OK, I said, do you have

501
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,000
the backboard?
And they said, well, yeah.

502
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:53,160
I said, if I lift my butt up
with my right leg, I said it is

503
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:54,360
sprain.
I can feel it swelling.

504
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:57,240
I said, I can put weight on it.
Can you slide it underneath of

505
00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:58,520
me?
They said, well, yeah.

506
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,120
I said if if you can slide it
underneath of me and the officer

507
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:04,560
who's holding my leg can keep
holding my leg.

508
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:08,080
I said I can shift myself so
that I'm pointing out to facing

509
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,560
you.
And they said that would work.

510
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:14,040
I'm like, yeah, it'll work.
I said, what do we need to do in

511
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,360
order for me to do?
I said, well, you have to wear a

512
00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:16,640
neck brace.
I said, well, I didn't hurt my

513
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,160
neck.
Like it's a formality, but we

514
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,200
still have to do it.
I was like, OK, well then let's

515
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,640
go.
Well, they First off, they put

516
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,640
the wrong size on me.
So I felt like one of those like

517
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,320
giraffes.
Like my neck was just like, I'm

518
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:27,800
like whatever, it's getting me
out of the car.

519
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,320
I really don't care at this
point.

520
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,440
I was, it was uncomfortable.
It wasn't painful.

521
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,200
That's fine.
I had other things to worry

522
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,720
about.
So I literally got myself out of

523
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,120
my own vehicle.
I spun around, use the steering

524
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:44,800
wheel and the back of the, the
the seat to like pull myself

525
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,960
forward out of the car.
And everything was going fine

526
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,040
until that officer dropped my
foot.

527
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,120
And we're not just talking like
gently dropped, We're talking

528
00:26:54,120 --> 00:26:57,880
like I heard the thud on the
backboard of him dropping my leg

529
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:00,480
and my foot again, just kind of
like hanging there.

530
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:05,760
And I screamed like I have never
screamed like that in my entire

531
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,600
life.
I was praying I would pass out

532
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,280
and that was not that was not to
be.

533
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,720
Well, little did I know Daniel
was not at home with my five

534
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,640
beautiful children.
He was at the Walmart, which was

535
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:25,360
2 lights from where I was at.
So Daniel got to the car and he

536
00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:27,880
said that he looked down at his
phone and he saw that I'd he'd

537
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,720
missed a call, several calls for
me.

538
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,440
We have life 360, which if you
don't have it, I highly

539
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,760
recommend.
And he's like, well, she's at

540
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:37,280
Freddy's so she must be calling
me for like what I want to eat.

541
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,760
I'll just meet her there.
Well, then his mom calls him and

542
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:45,400
he, she says Daniel, she's OK,
but Caitlin's been in an

543
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,680
accident and he's like mom, but
she's at Freddy's.

544
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,840
He's like, he's like she's like
son.

545
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,960
That's where the accident is.
Like she's she's OK though.

546
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,640
I talked to the officer and
she's alive.

547
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,960
She's still on the scene.
Like she's, she's she's there

548
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:02,480
OK, She's OK.
And he's like, mom, I've got to

549
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:04,000
go.
I'm he's she's like, what do you

550
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,680
mean she's like OK?
He's like, she's like, he's

551
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,160
like, mom, I'm at the Walmart, 2
lights from there and she's

552
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,720
like, OK, I'll meet you at home.
And he's like, OK, 'cause like

553
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,880
he had all five kids with me
with him.

554
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:20,320
So he says that.
He said he just put the phone

555
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:24,000
down and he can just remember
praying and as he like, we live

556
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,440
in East Tennessee, so it's a lot
of hills.

557
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:31,120
So he came up the hill to where
you then you could see the whole

558
00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:33,800
like light and everything.
There's like, oh, there's a

559
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:34,760
whole bunch of stuff right
there.

560
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:39,800
He's like, I have never seen so
many police vehicles in one

561
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:42,120
place is like my heart just
dropped.

562
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,720
He's like, I live in new.
He lives in, he lived in Newark,

563
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:46,200
NJ.
So for him to say that he'd

564
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:50,200
never seen that many police
cars, He's like mom said you

565
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,320
were OK.
He's like, but seeing all those

566
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:57,360
cars, it just hits you a little
different.

567
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:02,080
So he said that he pulled up
next to like off to the right,

568
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,000
still with all five of my kids
in the car.

569
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,640
Meanwhile, I don't know this, he
pulled up with all five kids in

570
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:13,200
our car and he Ethan, who's my
oldest, said he like, he jumped

571
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,280
out of the car.
He's like, mom, I've never seen

572
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:20,560
dad run that fast before.
He passed either firefighters or

573
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,880
police officers and said that's
my wife, my kids are in the car,

574
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,800
can you go watch them?
And like just made a beeline.

575
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:29,200
He saw his car.
He immediately, thankfully, he,

576
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,600
I think he just saw the back
first 'cause the back didn't

577
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:35,400
have any damage to it.
He didn't see the front one of

578
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,640
the, I think it was the Fire
Chief was there.

579
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,280
And he just told Daniel like
just they're getting her out of

580
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,120
the car because at this point
I'm trying to get myself out of

581
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:45,040
the car and they're getting her
out of the car.

582
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,240
You can see her in a minute.
But just like, wait here.

583
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,400
She's she's OK.
She's alive.

584
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:51,520
And he's like, OK, so he's
waiting.

585
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,320
So meanwhile I'm like, now I'm
crying because I'm scared.

586
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:57,200
They heard me scream.
So like I'm on the Gurney and I

587
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:58,720
was like, I just need my
husband.

588
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:02,640
And I remember the sense of
relief when Daniel said, I'm

589
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,640
here, I'm right here with you.
I didn't know at that point if

590
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,720
it was me hallucinating that he
was there or that if he was

591
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:13,280
there, it didn't matter to me
the amount of peace that just

592
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:16,680
kind of like, OK, if anything is
going to happen to me, at least

593
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:18,920
I can see him one more time.
I knew it was going to be OK,

594
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:21,720
but I didn't know the extent.
OK can means you're going to be

595
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:23,520
alive can mean so many different
things.

596
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,640
And so he's like, I'm here, I'm
right here.

597
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,200
I'm not going to leave you.
I'm like, OK, like, yeah, I'm

598
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:34,400
right here.
So they got me out onto the

599
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:37,160
Gurney.
And I just remember the feeling

600
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,160
of his.
As soon as he touched me, I knew

601
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:41,120
that everything was going to be
fine.

602
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,560
But I didn't have to worry
literally about anything else.

603
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,360
It didn't.
Nothing else mattered.

604
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,120
It didn't matter if I lost my
leg.

605
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:48,680
It didn't matter if I was
paralyzed.

606
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:52,800
My husband was right here.
And that I had I it was going to

607
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:54,880
be OK like he told me it was.
The Angel had told me that it

608
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:57,080
was not my time to die.
I knew it was going to be OK,

609
00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:01,760
but just that overwhelming piece
of being able to tangibly hold,

610
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,880
like hold on to someone that you
like, that is your best friend

611
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,800
is like an overwhelming feeling.
And he's my person.

612
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,440
I constantly tell him like,
you're my person.

613
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,960
You will always be my person.
So to have him there was just

614
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:15,600
amazing.
And then he's I said, I said,

615
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:17,680
what are you doing here?
He said, well, I was at Walmart.

616
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,960
I said I thought you were home.
He's like, no, I said he's like,

617
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:22,680
I've got the fight.
I got our kids in the car.

618
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,840
I'm like, then mom mode hit it
like, why are the kids here?

619
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:29,200
The kids can't be here.
No, take them home.

620
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,360
He's like, he's like, it's OK.
I'm like, no, it's not OK.

621
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,960
You need to take them home.
I don't want them here 'cause

622
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:35,920
like mom brain went in, like, I
don't know what they're going to

623
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:37,520
see.
I know they're probably scared

624
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,240
and frightened of all the
lights, all the noises, You

625
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,840
know, they just probably heard
me scream bloody murder.

626
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:47,640
So like all of these mom things
just like overloaded.

627
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,960
So he's like, OK, he's like, I'm
going to meet mom and then I'll

628
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:52,480
be and I'll be and then I'll be
right back.

629
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:55,120
I'm like, that's fine, fine.
Daniel asked.

630
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:56,400
Like, you know, where are they
going to take her?

631
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:57,440
They're going to take her to
Utah.

632
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,400
I was like, he's like, I'll meet
you there.

633
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,320
He's like, I'll be there soon.
I was like, OK, that's fine.

634
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,600
It's like I, I knew already like
it was going to take a while for

635
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,480
him to be able to see me just
because you have to go through

636
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,640
all of those at the hospital.
It's crazy.

637
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,760
So he took the kids home.
My mother-in-law was already

638
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,680
there.
He'd grabbed a few things and

639
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,920
like the whole time, like after
he left and I was put in the

640
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:22,200
ambulance, they they had checked
my blood pressure so many times

641
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:26,480
because it was perfect.
My blood pressure never was

642
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:29,960
abnormal.
My heart rate never like even

643
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,160
stopped, like it was
consistently strong.

644
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,800
It's like all those, and they're
like all those indicators that

645
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,040
your body is in stress were not
there.

646
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:39,360
It would they just weren't there
for me.

647
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,040
It was, which is another
miracle.

648
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,320
Like your blood pressure is
normal.

649
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,600
Like who are you?
I'm like it's always is sorry.

650
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:51,520
So I remember getting in the
ambulance and they said OK,

651
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,840
like, you know, they're
assessing me and and I'm just

652
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:57,040
like I'm I had my eyes closed
and I'm praying, but I'm not

653
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,560
praying like auto.
I'm like whispering and I'm just

654
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,320
my prayer the whole entire time
in that ambulance with that was

655
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,760
that God that Daniel would never
be by himself.

656
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,840
This is something that we had
never navigated before.

657
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,600
We didn't know anybody who would
navigate any like this before.

658
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:13,120
And I was like, Lord, she just
needs someone in his life that

659
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:16,320
is going to be able to encourage
him to be there for him.

660
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,440
We need a prayer warrior.
We need somebody who is going to

661
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,240
just show up for Daniel.
Like I knew I was going to be

662
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:25,280
OK, but I didn't know if Daniel
was going to be OK because I

663
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:27,120
knew that he'd seen me.
Like it was rough.

664
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:34,360
And Daniel said before he even
left the driveway, our pastor

665
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:38,680
from our church called him and
asked him where is she at?

666
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:43,320
I'm going to meet you there.
And Daniel said, you know,

667
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,640
they're taking her to UT.
He's like the past pastor said

668
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:50,360
I'm already on my way.
We have Daniel serves in our

669
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:53,760
special needs ministry at church
and that team that serves with

670
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,760
those kids are very knit, like
tight knit.

671
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,760
And we have a prayer wall.
So Daniel put on the prayer wall

672
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,720
that I had been in an accident,
but he didn't know how bad it

673
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:02,880
was.
But if everybody could just

674
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:04,920
please pray that we would
greatly appreciate it.

675
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:08,400
Well, our pastor's wife serves
in that ministry as well.

676
00:34:08,639 --> 00:34:12,520
So she told her husband, who is
our pastor, and he got she said

677
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,440
he immediately got his shoes on
and was like, like out the door,

678
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:20,239
like he just without even like
asking if we needed him.

679
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,639
He was there.
And again, that was

680
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,440
providential.
That's that's Pastor Jonathan

681
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:27,560
for you.
You know, Jonathan, his heart,

682
00:34:27,639 --> 00:34:31,239
heart of gold.
And so he didn't there was no

683
00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:35,600
point at all that Daniel was
ever by himself from in the

684
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,040
hospital.
Not only did Pastor Jonathan

685
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,280
show up, Pastor Jeff, who used
to be, I think was like a

686
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,320
paramedic in our tent, like
pretty high up there paramedic.

687
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:48,480
He, he showed up there and God
put those people in our lives

688
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,639
because Jonathan's presence was
calming.

689
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:55,199
He was very like down to earth.
He, he was just praying When he

690
00:34:55,199 --> 00:34:58,000
prays, you know that God has
entered the room.

691
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,480
He was there with my husband the
whole entire time.

692
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:04,880
They're working on me and trauma
and it was just overwhelming to

693
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:08,280
see how like even then I was
praying and God answered my

694
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,560
prayers.
Again, it's not that I've never

695
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:14,640
seen God answer my prayers, but
I've never seen him act so

696
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:16,920
quickly on them and answered
them so quickly.

697
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,160
I wasn't worried about myself.
I was like, somebody needs to be

698
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:21,920
there with Daniel because
normally I'm that person.

699
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,360
Normally I'm that person who's
there with him and I can't be.

700
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:29,520
I physically can't be.
And I just remember like them

701
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:30,720
saying like, well, we need to
reset.

702
00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:34,000
We need to get your leg reset.
You need to figure it out.

703
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,320
It's like, 'cause it's been, and
they told me he's like, it's

704
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:40,560
been without like blood
circulation now for 60 minutes.

705
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,360
You're, it's starting to turn.
It's it, We don't want you to

706
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,040
lose your foot, but it's, you
know, not we need to.

707
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:48,360
I'm like I said, do whatever you
want to do.

708
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:52,720
Well, I'm a natural redhead and
my body does not respond to pain

709
00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:55,840
medication and medication in
general like most people does.

710
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,120
And they could not find
something that was taking any of

711
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:02,800
the pain away to be able to set
my leg the way that they needed

712
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:04,520
to.
So they finally said, we're just

713
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,720
going to have to sedate her.
I'm like, knock her out.

714
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:08,480
And I was like, that is that I
asked him.

715
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:10,680
I was like, will this get me to
my husband faster because I

716
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:12,400
didn't want to be put out
because I was still like really

717
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,720
afraid.
And they said, yes, if we can

718
00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:19,560
get your legs set once you move
out of trauma, once you move out

719
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,640
of the trauma unit, we then can
your husband can come in here

720
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:23,840
with me.
I said, that's fine.

721
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,680
I said, whatever needs to
happen, please, by all means

722
00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:31,360
just do.
And so it was just neat to see

723
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:38,880
how God even then moved in a way
that I didn't ask him to do.

724
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:45,320
I didn't ask him.
I didn't ask him to show up for

725
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:47,080
me So many times.
They just you could just see his

726
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,040
presence, the people that he
brought to us.

727
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:55,480
Just looking back now, God knew
not only what who we wanted, but

728
00:36:55,480 --> 00:37:01,800
he also knew who we needed.
And I genuinely believe that God

729
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:10,080
had this overwhelmingly sense of
I'm I'm lost for words of how to

730
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,760
describe it.
I was in pain, but I was at

731
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:16,360
peace the whole entire time.
I remember there was one point

732
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:19,200
after they brought me back to
Daniel and I didn't know at that

733
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,960
point that Jonathan was there.
I didn't know that Jeff was

734
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,240
there.
I just, you know, I'm praying

735
00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:26,080
for God to bring someone.
I don't know who it is.

736
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:28,120
I don't know when they're going
to show, you know, it's God's

737
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:29,040
timeline.
It's a mine.

738
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,640
So getting back in there and I
see Jonathan and then I see Jeff

739
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:36,480
come in and Jeff has been able
to talk with the, with the

740
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,400
nurses 'cause he knows a lot of
them, which is great.

741
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:44,880
And I told Daniel, I said, I
need, I said I'm coming unhinged

742
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,160
was, I think it was, I believe
the word I used because I had

743
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:50,920
been in so much pain at that
point that I was having a really

744
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,720
hard time, not just like falling
apart and just like crying.

745
00:37:53,720 --> 00:37:55,280
And I knew that wasn't going to
get me anywhere.

746
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,400
And he's like, what do you need?
I said, I need my worship music

747
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,400
playing.
I said, just put on a playlist.

748
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:02,880
I don't care what it is.
I just need something else to

749
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:04,840
focus on.
Music has always been a really

750
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,920
big part of my life.
I listen to music.

751
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,920
If I could 24/7, I probably
would.

752
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:15,640
But so Jonathan and Daniel were
both trying to find reception in

753
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,760
order to be able to play music
for me, which I thought was

754
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:19,560
really sweet.
And then they finally did.

755
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:23,880
And Tasha Layton is one that has
become one of my favorite

756
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:28,480
Christian artists and worship
through it literally has been my

757
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,720
theme song since the very
beginning.

758
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:34,280
And I looked at Daniel, like,
after I was able, like, to find

759
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:37,280
my center, I said, I said,
Daniel, I saw my Angel.

760
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,520
And he said what?
I was like, I saw my Angel.

761
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,360
And then, of course, Pastor
Jonathan's there.

762
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:46,720
He's like, what?
And like, so I, I'm retelling

763
00:38:46,720 --> 00:38:48,520
him everything that I just told
you.

764
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:53,480
And I'm watching Daniel, my
husband, and I'm also watching

765
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,400
Jonathan because they're, like,
really close together.

766
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,520
And like, Jonathan's eyes just
kept on getting bigger and

767
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:00,080
bigger.
And his eyeballs keep on.

768
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,400
Like, I thought his eyebrows
were going to reach his

769
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:05,720
hairline.
He's like, that's amazing.

770
00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:09,840
I'm like, yeah.
And like at that point, I still

771
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,720
didn't realize what my, that my
depression had been healed as

772
00:39:12,720 --> 00:39:14,520
well.
I told him I was like, I said

773
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:16,200
Daniel, like the weight is just
gone.

774
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:18,560
And Daniel said even he's like,
I needed to hear that.

775
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,560
He's like, I knew that was a
weight that you were carrying.

776
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:25,560
And then like then to be able to
hear you feel that relief that

777
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:28,680
you get when you're when it's
done is just absolutely amazing.

778
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:33,960
So then Fast forward, you know,
Jeff, thankfully Jeff was there

779
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,160
and he was able to explain some
of those medical terms that

780
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,680
doctors like to use that normal
people don't like to use.

781
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,560
And like at one point they said,
oh, this is going to hurt a

782
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:42,800
little.
And I can just remember seeing

783
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,960
in the in back of the room, he's
like, I'm like, what?

784
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:50,480
He's like, I was like, oh, he's
like, this is really going to

785
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,600
hurt.
I'm like, thanks for that.

786
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,400
I just like don't sugarcoat it
for me.

787
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,800
If it's gonna hurt, let me know
that it's gonna hurt.

788
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,440
It's like in process.
Don't like don't bring it on me.

789
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,440
So like that was when they were
taking X-rays and they were

790
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:06,600
having to move my foot back and
forth and it currently wasn't

791
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:11,240
like really set all the way.
So like that was by like

792
00:40:11,240 --> 00:40:13,280
midnight.
I finally was able to move to a

793
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,320
regular room at like 3:00 in the
morning.

794
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:18,360
I had surgery on my leg the next
day at 9.

795
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:21,840
I had a compound fracture so
both bones were broken.

796
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:26,840
I have a really nasty, they call
it my Maui fish hook because

797
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:30,680
that's what it looks like of
where the bone exited my leg and

798
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:36,320
tore my skin out.
I have a titanium rod and three

799
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,680
screws that will be with me for
the rest of my life.

800
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:44,280
They will never leave.
I have healed a lot faster than

801
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:47,360
a lot of what people, even my PT
specialist, he's mentioned

802
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:49,320
several times, like I didn't
think you were going to get

803
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:52,720
mobility back that you have, you
know, you, you know, he's like,

804
00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:55,480
I really think it's because
you've pushed yourself.

805
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:59,520
And, and, and thankfully, like
all of my doctors that I've had

806
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:02,880
that are like close to me, like
either be my PT specialist or my

807
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:07,560
GP, all of, and my psychiatrist,
all of them are Christians.

808
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:10,680
And I believe God knew that I
needed that because when I tell

809
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:15,480
my story, it would sound crazy
to anybody else, but the easiest

810
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:18,360
explanation is, but God, and
that's always what I said, like,

811
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:22,080
that's crazy.
Like, yes, but God like this

812
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,800
over and over again.
And you know, I just, I push

813
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:28,440
myself, not just because I want
to heal, but because my 5 kids,

814
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:30,880
they're still really young.
I want to be there for them.

815
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:33,640
I have a four year old.
He still has so much of life

816
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:36,680
that I want to be a part of.
I love my job.

817
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:41,280
God knew that I needed rest and
that I wasn't going to take rest

818
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:43,360
on my own.
So he made it so that I was out

819
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:46,800
of work for six weeks.
Kind of forced me to take a

820
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,880
break, which if you knew my
personality, that was probably

821
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:54,480
needed because I love, I love
doing what I do and I will

822
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:57,000
constantly say yes.
And God was like, you know what?

823
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,880
No, we're not going to you're
not going to rest.

824
00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:02,560
So I'm going to make you rest
and I'm going to make you re

825
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:05,320
analyze some things that you're
doing.

826
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:06,960
And are you saying yes to the
good?

827
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:11,320
Are you saying yes to the best?
And my big, huge take away this

828
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:14,640
past, the past, just in the past
few months, like right after the

829
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:18,720
accident was am I being a Mary
or am I being a Martha?

830
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:23,000
And that for me was really big.
It's like, why am I doing what

831
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:26,120
I'm doing?
And like that was that was hard

832
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:30,240
for me to grapple with because
it you don't when you ask God to

833
00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:32,400
give you those answers,
sometimes those answers are not

834
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:35,440
what you want to hear.
And I did hear a lot of answers

835
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:39,600
that I didn't want to hear.
But it also showed me that when

836
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:44,760
I'm in God's will, life might
not be perfect, but there is so

837
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,920
much joy and peace to be found
and answering your calling and

838
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:50,240
doing your calling even when the
going gets tough.

839
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:56,960
I returned back to work in July
and quickly found out that I

840
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,960
could not keep up the pace that
I once had because I was no

841
00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:04,560
longer the person that I was,
that I had different physical.

842
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:09,200
Now things that were slowing me
down physically.

843
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,040
Like it physically slows me
down.

844
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:13,320
And I always joke.
I said, you know, I used to be

845
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,640
like, hurry up and get there.
Well, now I have time to think

846
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:17,760
about it several times before I
even get there because I

847
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:22,080
physically can't move that fast.
I have a had a little more time

848
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:25,080
to like I feel like my brain can
catch up with my body by the

849
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:27,760
time I get there, which is
probably good because I'm like,

850
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:29,640
yeah, that really doesn't.
No, we don't need to do that.

851
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:33,600
Let's not just let's not.
But then also it's enabled me to

852
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:38,280
in this month and my team see
who are, who's like a leader and

853
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:43,120
who I can ask to do extra things
and just asking God to send me

854
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:44,880
the right people.
Like I don't want them to do it

855
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,240
out of obligation.
I want them to do it because you

856
00:43:47,240 --> 00:43:48,960
called them to do it.
Just like you called me.

857
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:53,000
You called me here, called
people here to help me so that I

858
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,560
can still do.
I said, I don't want your

859
00:43:55,560 --> 00:44:00,040
ministry, your preschool
ministry to waver because I'm

860
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:02,320
standing in the way.
But that's always been my like,

861
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,440
I don't want to stand in the way
of God's will.

862
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:08,320
And this whole entire past six
months, that's been my mantra.

863
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:11,640
It's like, it's not my will,
it's not my agenda, it's God's

864
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:13,560
agenda.
There's a reason why things are

865
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:17,000
happening.
Yes, it's not in my time and not

866
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:20,240
my time for sure, but God has a
hand in it all.

867
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:23,920
And I've gone back to work
pretty much full time now.

868
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:26,760
I still am home a little bit.
That's one of the things how

869
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:31,240
it's like changed for me.
I'm better at asking help for

870
00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:32,760
help.
That is something I struggled

871
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,440
with.
I'm a very independent person.

872
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:36,880
But God showed me you don't have
to do it all.

873
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,360
I didn't have not called you to
do it all more specific

874
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:44,360
specifically and just that
asking other people to help is a

875
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,440
blessing to them.
And you not asking them is

876
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:48,800
robbing them of a blessing that
they could potentially have.

877
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:51,600
And are you willing to stand in
the way of somebody else getting

878
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,800
a blessing?
And one of my dear friends,

879
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:56,720
she's one of our prayer warriors
at church.

880
00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:58,560
And she came to visit me in the
hospital.

881
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:02,960
And I read and I told her, like,
my whole story from start to

882
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:04,360
finish.
She said, there's one piece of

883
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:08,720
it that I don't understand.
And I was like, OK, she's like,

884
00:45:08,720 --> 00:45:13,480
she's like, OK, what is it?
I said the dark cloud, it's

885
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,760
gone.
And I said, I don't understand

886
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,400
what it is like.
I don't, I didn't ask for it to

887
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,560
be gone.
And she's like, she just, she

888
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,840
kind of just like chuckled like
as she does.

889
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,440
I can't even I can't imitate it
at all.

890
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:30,440
But she's like you.
In 21 Days of prayer, you asked

891
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:33,080
for what you thought you needed,
but it was just what you wanted.

892
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,880
God chose to give you not only
what you wanted, but what you

893
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:41,240
needed and you and your time of
holding on to your depression

894
00:45:41,240 --> 00:45:45,040
was over.
God said it was done so and she

895
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:47,600
said, I firmly believe because
of your faithfulness and

896
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:50,840
serving, even while going
through depression, your drive

897
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:54,520
for this, God saw you and said
that is my servant.

898
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:56,840
She's doing it even when they go
and say I'm going to take away

899
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,840
because how much more would she
be able to do if it was not

900
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:04,920
there?
And my spirit, that weight that

901
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:09,920
I kept carried even with doing
through therapy and my mental

902
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:12,640
health medication, like all of
it, like I still have always

903
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:15,040
carried that, but that has not
been there in six months.

904
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:19,760
I have never felt so light in my
entire life.

905
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,200
And it is something that I keep
on to.

906
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:24,960
Like I have this.
I can't help but smile because

907
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,960
the weight that's there is not
there anymore.

908
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,560
Those intrusive thoughts aren't
there.

909
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:32,400
There's thoughts of that I'm not
good enough, that I'm not good

910
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:34,840
enough for this job.
Like, but wait a second, I am

911
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:38,320
good enough for this job because
God called me to do this job.

912
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:42,080
And when God is ready for me to
move on to something different,

913
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:43,640
he's going to make it abundantly
clear.

914
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,640
And that's something that I'm
trying to navigate because I

915
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:48,920
thought I was going to be the
preschool coordinator forever.

916
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:52,040
And God is showing me that, hey,
you were a stepping stone.

917
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:55,880
You were just a placeholder and
that's how it's supposed to be.

918
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:58,200
You're not meant, you know,
you're not meant to do this

919
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,760
forever.
I have other things for you, but

920
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,480
are you willing to fully
surrender?

921
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:09,520
So in August of this year, I
fully surrendered my just the

922
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:11,440
ministry of being a preschool
coordinator.

923
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:13,240
I had done something similar in
January.

924
00:47:13,240 --> 00:47:16,920
I'm just like trying, but like I
reaffirmed it in August during

925
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:18,960
21 days of Paris, said Lord,
prepare my heart.

926
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:22,160
Prepare the heart of those
around me that you would make it

927
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:25,760
abundantly clear because I feel
like I'm falling into the same

928
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:27,720
things that I did before my
accident.

929
00:47:27,720 --> 00:47:31,560
And I don't want any of what
I've gone through to get lost in

930
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:34,520
the joy that I've been given.
So help me learn this lesson

931
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,360
once because I'm a one and done
type of person.

932
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:40,000
Like please don't make me feel
like I really don't want to do

933
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:43,440
that again.
So this like that's like the the

934
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:47,360
main bulk of it, a lot of like
other things that I'll probably

935
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:50,360
remember after have changed and
transpired.

936
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:53,680
God has worked a lot in our
family since then.

937
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,600
Just with our with learning that
we need to be better at our like

938
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:00,720
our devotions and our prayer
life.

939
00:48:00,720 --> 00:48:03,600
We get up at the morning before
the kids go to public school at

940
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:06,520
5:45 and we have prayer time
with them before they go to

941
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:08,640
school.
And then we have devotions with

942
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:10,760
them at night before they go to
bed.

943
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:15,120
My husband and I pray more
audibly, like verbally.

944
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:17,280
It's our children can hear us
throughout our house, just

945
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:20,440
asking God to enter our place.
It's not that we didn't do that

946
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:23,560
before, but I, I almost feel
like God has given us that

947
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:29,760
fervency of like, let's do more.
Like, let's don't just don't

948
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:33,320
just settle for lukewarm.
I watched The War Room lately

949
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:36,000
and that really just challenged
me even more of like all those

950
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:40,880
things, Like, OK, I can do more.
I need to do more for my family

951
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:43,400
and just in the sense of like, I
need to be their biggest prayer

952
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,520
warrior.
Like I have 5 kids, 4 which go

953
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:49,440
to public school and they've
been able to walk through this

954
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,800
journey of healing with me.
I definitely, it's not been my

955
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:54,080
healing journey.
It's definitely been my family's

956
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:57,200
healing journey.
We've seen God move a lot and

957
00:48:57,200 --> 00:49:00,160
even my husband and I's
marriage, we've gotten closer.

958
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:02,720
We, we had to get closer.
He's, he was my, he was my

959
00:49:02,720 --> 00:49:04,720
caregiver for the first four
months solely.

960
00:49:04,720 --> 00:49:08,040
He took off work and he was next
to me every single step of the

961
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:10,200
way.
He refused to leave me one in

962
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:12,960
the hospital, so he made sure
that I was always somebody.

963
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:15,640
If he had to step out to get me
clothes or to get me food or

964
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:18,320
whatever, there was always
somebody that we knew in the

965
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:20,280
room with me.
I was never by myself.

966
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:25,440
And just just bringing my
husband and I closer together, I

967
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:28,120
think was good because we often
get lost in the shuffle of

968
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:31,040
parenting.
I feel like sometimes when you

969
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:33,200
work in ministry and you're
doing things to the Lord, you

970
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:36,120
kind of get more of a target on
your back and one way that the

971
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:38,240
enemy will try to get a foothold
is in your marriage.

972
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:41,280
And we're very much not OK with
that.

973
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:44,280
So even just praying on that
more like Lord, like you, we

974
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:48,200
know this is a possibility.
Strengthen it, don't weaken it

975
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:51,400
type of deal.
So like that's been that's the

976
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:53,920
gist of it.
Here I am now it's October,

977
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:56,520
it'll be 6 months since the
accident this Sunday.

978
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:01,320
I still have yet to make that
left turn that I made that I was

979
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:07,240
trying to make, but I think that
I, I feel like I'm getting close

980
00:50:07,240 --> 00:50:09,400
if that makes sense.
My therapist has told me not to

981
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:12,640
rush it, but I'm at that.
I'm at that point now where it's

982
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:14,200
been 6 months.
Enough is enough.

983
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:17,280
I'm going to do this.
So I need to for the most part,

984
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:19,880
like set myself up like I had
done that night.

985
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:23,880
And like I feel like once I make
that left turn that there's

986
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:28,240
nothing like standing in my way
to last Sunday, I was on my way

987
00:50:28,240 --> 00:50:30,440
to church.
And it's very rare for that

988
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,600
light to be completely empty of
like new cars.

989
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,840
But like when you leave your
house 7:30 in the morning, you

990
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:36,240
go to church, it's kind of
empty.

991
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:39,280
I just remember like the light
was red and there was nobody

992
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,360
there.
And looking at that intersection

993
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:44,200
where the accident happened,
because I pass it on a on a

994
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:46,640
daily basis twice a day when I'm
out.

995
00:50:47,240 --> 00:50:50,440
And just looking at that, where
the accident happened, it was

996
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,040
clean.
And I was just like struck by

997
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:53,840
the fact there's no more
evidence now.

998
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:55,960
There's no more glass on the
road.

999
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:57,400
There's no more debris on the
road.

1000
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:01,320
It felt like a very sense of
like almost healing in and of

1001
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:04,120
itself to see that intersection
wiped clean.

1002
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:08,280
And I was reminded of like how
God washes our sins away and God

1003
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:11,720
like wants to take our burdens
and just carry them for us, that

1004
00:51:11,720 --> 00:51:15,480
we're not meant to carry them.
And that was I carrying the

1005
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:17,640
weight of this intersection when
I didn't need to.

1006
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,360
So like I was able like, OK,
like visually see, like it's

1007
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:22,520
clean.
I just need to get over to God

1008
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:24,160
and like this is something that
I have to do.

1009
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,720
I don't want the anxiety.
I don't want the fear it, I

1010
00:51:27,720 --> 00:51:29,400
don't want any of it.
So just take it off.

1011
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:33,000
So be able to see that
intersection completely, like

1012
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:37,960
clean was very healing for me in
a way that I didn't know that I

1013
00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:39,640
needed.
And then like then to think of

1014
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:43,440
like it's six months on Sunday.
I like how far I've come in six

1015
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:47,280
months and how much farther I'll
be in six months from now.

1016
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:49,560
I definitely do not have all my
mobility back.

1017
00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:53,120
I can walk.
I'm very slow and I get tired

1018
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:57,120
really easy and I swell a lot.
But through all of that, I'm

1019
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:59,400
still able to do what I love to
do.

1020
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:01,280
I get to be a mom to my five
kids.

1021
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,240
I'm here when they get off the
bus from school.

1022
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:07,360
I get to spend time with my
husband in the evening and I get

1023
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:08,720
to cook in my kitchen again
there.

1024
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:11,520
I think there was like, I want
to say it was four months that I

1025
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:13,600
didn't cook and my husband I got
back in the kitchen.

1026
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:20,120
He's like, thanks the Lord.
He's like he said one of my

1027
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:22,440
gifts is not cooking and we are
done.

1028
00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:24,680
He's like, I'm so tired of take
out.

1029
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:26,920
I'm so tired of food that's not
yours.

1030
00:52:26,920 --> 00:52:29,080
Thank you so much for cooking.
I love you.

1031
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:32,640
I want I love you too.
So just like there's there's

1032
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:35,320
little things that you take for
granny's like mom's back in the

1033
00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:36,760
kitchen again.
Yay.

1034
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:40,320
My kids are like, yay.
I'm like good guess So I just

1035
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,560
like the little things.
Like it just makes the smile

1036
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,560
when you see like the little
things pop up and you're like,

1037
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:47,880
yeah, I do miss that.
I really been I miss my cooking.

1038
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:50,120
Thank, I love everybody.
Thank you so much for your

1039
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:51,720
blessing.
But like, there's nothing about

1040
00:52:51,720 --> 00:52:55,440
being home in your kitchen with
your five kids running around

1041
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:58,600
causing chaos and just be able
to see their smiles.

1042
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:01,760
And there's moments where I
stand there like I could have

1043
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:04,800
missed this.
And I am so grateful for it.

1044
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:08,160
So it has this accident has made
me pause where normally I

1045
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,520
wouldn't have paused and where
pause was needed.

1046
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:14,960
And so that's that's my story
and it's six months later.

1047
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:22,400
Caitlin, there's so much there.
There's so.

1048
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:25,480
Much.
There, thank you for sharing all

1049
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:26,800
of it.
I mean that.

1050
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:30,320
You're welcome.
We've got to come back to a

1051
00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:32,800
couple of different things.
Yes, we.

1052
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:34,800
Have to explore these a little
bit more.

1053
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:41,520
So First off, I believe you said
that the daughter that you

1054
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:44,560
miscarried is a Liliana Grace
that I have that correct.

1055
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:52,880
Yeah, Liliana, yes.
Liliana, I'm sorry for your

1056
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:55,480
loss.
Thank you.

1057
00:53:58,560 --> 00:54:00,000
It's not.
It's, it's my loss.

1058
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:02,240
It's her gain.
She didn't get to be touched by

1059
00:54:02,240 --> 00:54:04,480
any of the world's harshness and
ugliness.

1060
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:11,200
Yeah, and how beautiful is it
that you've been given that

1061
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:16,480
clarity?
Yes, genuinely a gift.

1062
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:26,160
Praise God, I'm sure that our
listeners are wanting to

1063
00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:28,720
understand a couple of things
better.

1064
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:34,360
OK.
So you talk about the vehicle

1065
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:39,840
spinning a half dozen times
sounds like it was hit from the

1066
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:45,200
front because you describe
Daniel running to the scene from

1067
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:51,120
the rear and there really wasn't
much damage to the car and not

1068
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:54,320
hitting your head.
So the first thing that comes to

1069
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:58,760
mind is were were was the maiden
airbag deployed?

1070
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:03,400
Like give us some more insight
into some of those details from

1071
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:07,200
the picture it a little.
Bit more comprehensive.

1072
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:13,120
He they said that he hit me
three inches to the to the left

1073
00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:16,120
of being head on.
So they consider it a near head

1074
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:19,320
on collision.
It was just three inches to the

1075
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:21,400
right.
So like on the not to the right

1076
00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:22,960
to the left on the passenger
side.

1077
00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:27,400
And they said that because he
and oh Asha should preface this

1078
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:30,360
is a big one.
He was going over 85 miles an

1079
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:34,040
hour when he hit me.
So when he made contact with my

1080
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:38,600
car they clocked him at over 85.
Probably closer to 90 is what he

1081
00:55:38,600 --> 00:55:41,160
hit me at the velocity that he
hit me and I was probably not

1082
00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:43,680
even going 10.
So thankfully I wasn't going

1083
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:48,000
very fast at all and my foot at
was not anywhere near the brake

1084
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:50,240
or the gas pedal, it was not
anywhere near it.

1085
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:54,400
So I should guess to purpose
that he was going 85 if not

1086
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:59,520
moreover, he hit me three inches
to the left of head on and they

1087
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:04,320
said that because of that, the
way he did it that way that made

1088
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:06,680
it so that I spun instead of
flipped over.

1089
00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:09,760
They said that had he hit me
head on, my car probably would

1090
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:13,320
have and it should have flipped
over top of his car and rolled.

1091
00:56:14,440 --> 00:56:16,160
Obviously that would have been a
lot worse.

1092
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:20,240
So just that alone he hit me
because I had already started

1093
00:56:20,240 --> 00:56:22,920
making my turn.
So just because of that fact,

1094
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:28,400
like I spun several times the
airbag, the all the airbags did

1095
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:31,120
deploy.
The one in front of me did.

1096
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:37,280
I'd had no face lacerations.
I had no arm lacerations.

1097
00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:40,040
I had like a few bruises like
right in here and they were like

1098
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:43,640
small ones just from I think
it's from the plastic that was

1099
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:47,400
like that covers the airbag.
It was an older Honda, like

1100
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:49,680
early 2000.
I think that's what it's from

1101
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:54,800
because it was just very like
like really specific spots.

1102
00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:56,200
They weren't like, it wasn't
like my whole arm.

1103
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:58,480
It was just specific spots.
But it did deploy.

1104
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:01,360
It did deflate really quickly,
which I was kind of surprised,

1105
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:04,360
like I didn't realize how
quickly it expands and then

1106
00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:06,440
we'll like fall because I didn't
even like there was no

1107
00:57:06,440 --> 00:57:09,240
suffocating either, just because
it was like it wasn't even my

1108
00:57:09,240 --> 00:57:11,960
lap at that point.
It was like shoved into the

1109
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:14,040
steering wheel when it deflated,
which is kind of weird.

1110
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:17,160
Almost like someone had moved it
out of the way.

1111
00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:27,360
So it wasn't me who moved in.
Definitely wasn't me who moved

1112
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:28,480
in.
Yeah.

1113
00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:31,240
OK.
So then let's let that's a great

1114
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:32,440
segue.
Let's go there.

1115
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:36,320
OK.
You did a wonderful job of

1116
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:42,120
describing that warm hug feeling
what you believe to be the

1117
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:45,520
usuals, you know, wings on your
arms.

1118
00:57:45,520 --> 00:57:48,720
Like, gosh, just take us back
there.

1119
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:54,160
Like give us some more on that.
OK, so think of it like a huge

1120
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:56,720
like, you know, like when you're
in like standing outside in a

1121
00:57:56,720 --> 00:57:59,000
field and you get like that gust
of air like that.

1122
00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:02,080
That's like just like a, a gust
of wind.

1123
00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:04,400
That is exactly what it felt
like.

1124
00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:06,480
And it just surrounded me and
created a bubble.

1125
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:09,680
I could feel a cool touch on my
forehead.

1126
00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:11,840
Like it was very, it was
distinguishedly cool.

1127
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:14,760
Something that I didn't mention
before was that I could smell

1128
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:18,480
honeysuckles, which I've always
loved honeysuckles, but like it

1129
00:58:18,480 --> 00:58:22,040
was an overwhelmingly smell of
like which has calmed me

1130
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,480
immediately.
And speaking to someone else who

1131
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:26,800
is one of our intercessory
prayer at church, she's like she

1132
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:30,480
often when she prays, she will
often smell honeysuckles when

1133
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:32,400
she prays.
So it's almost like that whole

1134
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:37,120
like pure clean smell like that.
Just, I don't know, it's just

1135
00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:40,720
every time I smell it, it brings
me back to that moment of like,

1136
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:45,480
wow, this is amazing.
So I, I could, I could feel the

1137
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:47,480
feathers like, you know, when
you take a feather and you put

1138
00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:51,360
it on your arm, is that light?
Like just enough to know that

1139
00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:54,080
they're there, but not an
overwhelmingly sense.

1140
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,560
That's how it started.
And then like then the hug got

1141
00:58:56,560 --> 00:59:00,120
harder and I think the hug got
harder as I was spinning, like,

1142
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,640
and it was protecting me from
spinning because I didn't move

1143
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:04,440
around.
Like I didn't have any bruises

1144
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:06,320
on my arm from hitting the
seats.

1145
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:08,640
I didn't have bruises anywhere
else, like I had bruises from my

1146
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:12,080
seat belt, but not from like
hitting my head on the winch on

1147
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,400
like the door next to me.
I didn't hit my head at all.

1148
00:59:14,680 --> 00:59:17,760
So like very much like was just
tucked in a ball and just

1149
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:21,320
cradled.
And the voice, like they've

1150
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:22,520
asked me, was it a male or
female?

1151
00:59:22,520 --> 00:59:23,800
Like I honestly couldn't tell
you.

1152
00:59:23,920 --> 00:59:28,040
It sounded more neither.
I don't know, but it was very,

1153
00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:31,000
regardless of what it was like
it was a boy or a girl.

1154
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:34,320
It was peaceful.
It was angelic in the sense that

1155
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:38,040
everything stopped.
I couldn't hear anything.

1156
00:59:38,320 --> 00:59:40,440
I couldn't see anything.
I couldn't.

1157
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:44,160
I didn't see the the police
officers until after the Angel

1158
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:45,320
left.
I didn't even know they were

1159
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:48,960
there.
I had no idea of my surroundings

1160
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:51,480
until that.
Until the Angel left and then

1161
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:54,280
everything, it was like a fog
slowly was like lifted.

1162
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:58,000
And then I could see everything.
And there was a slight sense of

1163
00:59:58,000 --> 00:59:59,960
panic after I saw like
everything.

1164
00:59:59,960 --> 01:00:02,440
So like, oh, no.
I was like, no, we're good.

1165
01:00:02,720 --> 01:00:04,880
We're good.
And he said, your time is not

1166
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:05,480
done.
We're good.

1167
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:07,240
Like focus, bring it back, bring
it back.

1168
01:00:08,000 --> 01:00:11,040
But it was just an
overwhelmingly sense of comfort

1169
01:00:11,040 --> 01:00:15,440
and peace.
And if that would have been my

1170
01:00:15,440 --> 01:00:18,920
time to go, that would have been
the way to that.

1171
01:00:18,920 --> 01:00:20,400
That would have been OK.
Like that.

1172
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:23,600
That would definitely be the way
to like just that peace.

1173
01:00:24,280 --> 01:00:27,520
Of the angel's presence, knowing
that it was sent from God that

1174
01:00:28,160 --> 01:00:32,080
it brought back that whole verse
that talks about like his he

1175
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:35,440
sees when every Sparrow falls.
He knows how many hairs are on

1176
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:38,200
your head.
It like God, my heavenly Father

1177
01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:41,640
saw me and chose to send one of
his angels that could have been

1178
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:45,520
doing so much more.
He decided to send him to me and

1179
01:00:45,520 --> 01:00:48,880
that is a blessing and a gift
that I don't think I will ever

1180
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:51,040
get over.
Ever get over.

1181
01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:57,320
Praise God, thank you for
declaring it like that.

1182
01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:05,560
Over and over again.
The Angel tells you to let go.

1183
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:08,840
There's clearly significance to
that.

1184
01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:15,040
There is, like I said, I'm very
stubborn and I like to be in

1185
01:01:15,040 --> 01:01:19,440
control sometimes more than I'm
not a type A personality, but

1186
01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:24,200
I'm pretty close.
I like I, I would not be able to

1187
01:01:24,200 --> 01:01:26,160
tell that I have, I have 5 kids
in my house.

1188
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:28,040
My house is very much looked
like it lived in.

1189
01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:31,400
But like in my work life, I like
things to be filed neatly.

1190
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:35,160
I like things to be organized.
I like labels like I love all of

1191
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:37,960
those things.
So I think like when the Angel

1192
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:40,480
told me to let go, it was going
to be the only way that I

1193
01:01:40,480 --> 01:01:42,840
actually let go of that steering
wheel and I needed to hear that.

1194
01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:45,400
My husband said that's a miracle
in itself that you actually

1195
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:47,720
listened this way.
Like that was a mirror.

1196
01:01:49,440 --> 01:01:53,000
I was like, yeah, probably don't
count on it happening again.

1197
01:01:54,280 --> 01:01:58,880
So just the the letting the like
just just let go for me has been

1198
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:03,120
just different points in my life
and my story from all the way.

1199
01:02:03,120 --> 01:02:06,640
It's though, that just let go
has been something I've heard

1200
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:11,640
before, not necessarily from it
might not I've been directly

1201
01:02:11,640 --> 01:02:14,680
from God, but it was either my
husband telling me just to let

1202
01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:17,920
go or me wrestling with
something that the Lord tells me

1203
01:02:17,920 --> 01:02:21,640
you need to just let it go,
whether it be relationships or

1204
01:02:21,640 --> 01:02:23,840
whatever.
Like so that just let go like

1205
01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:27,400
that is a very, that's a phrase
for me that resonated with me

1206
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:30,560
and that I know that God knew.
Like if you if we say this,

1207
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:34,840
she'll listen.
So even just that is significant

1208
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:36,640
to me.
There's so many little small

1209
01:02:36,640 --> 01:02:40,560
details in my story of the
accident that are just point

1210
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:43,880
over and over again, like did
you hear me now?

1211
01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:46,760
Can you hear me now?
If you like that, that

1212
01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:48,960
commercial that we grew up with,
can you hear me now?

1213
01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:52,760
Like Lord, I hear you.
I'm listening.

1214
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:56,120
Please just show me what you
want to maybe not with an

1215
01:02:56,120 --> 01:02:59,200
accident next time.
I'm happily to receive whatever

1216
01:02:59,200 --> 01:03:03,360
you want me to receive, just
make it abundantly clear.

1217
01:03:12,560 --> 01:03:24,480
Let's explore the letting go of
the dark cloud, oppression, and

1218
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:31,040
all of the associated elements
in light of what commonly can

1219
01:03:31,040 --> 01:03:38,320
occur in the midst of trauma
that that things get worse and

1220
01:03:38,320 --> 01:03:43,080
for years.
It got better yes.

1221
01:03:43,720 --> 01:03:50,400
So I had I have had so many even
like doctors and like my my GPAC

1222
01:03:50,760 --> 01:03:52,520
on a regular basis.
They've always like, you know,

1223
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:55,440
how are you doing mentally?
I'm like, I'm fine, like I'm

1224
01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:59,200
great and I OK.
Like, no, I'm really genuinely,

1225
01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:01,920
I'm fine.
My anxiety has not been great,

1226
01:04:02,120 --> 01:04:05,680
but it wasn't, it's better now
getting back into a vehicle

1227
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:08,640
after an accident obviously has
it's, you know, natural.

1228
01:04:08,640 --> 01:04:10,040
Like I really don't really want
to do this.

1229
01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:13,880
But like as far as my, the
depression aspect, no, I've not,

1230
01:04:14,320 --> 01:04:17,640
I would never say like I've not
had the same depression symptoms

1231
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:19,800
that I've had before.
I've had moments where I'm

1232
01:04:19,800 --> 01:04:23,720
frustrated, but it's frustration
because my life literally came

1233
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:26,240
to a like a halt.
It literally stopped.

1234
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:28,960
Like when I say like my life
stopped, I mean like my life

1235
01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:31,560
stopped.
I had to rely on everything for

1236
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:33,520
everybody.
Like I had to rely on everyone

1237
01:04:33,520 --> 01:04:34,680
else for everything that I
needed.

1238
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:36,640
Versus normally it's the other
way around.

1239
01:04:37,840 --> 01:04:43,920
So for me, it was just, it was,
it's been so different.

1240
01:04:43,920 --> 01:04:47,400
Like even now, like 6 months
later, this is the lightest I've

1241
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:50,800
ever felt and it's, there's no
other way to explain it.

1242
01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:53,160
That God delivered me like this
is ridiculous.

1243
01:04:53,160 --> 01:04:56,400
I've never been two months
without having a depression

1244
01:04:56,400 --> 01:04:58,240
episode where I don't want to
get out of bed.

1245
01:04:58,240 --> 01:05:00,400
And there are mornings that I
don't want to get out of bed

1246
01:05:00,640 --> 01:05:03,240
now, but it's not because I'm
depressed, it's because I'm

1247
01:05:03,240 --> 01:05:05,640
hurting.
I'm still hurting a lot.

1248
01:05:05,920 --> 01:05:08,040
So it's like I really don't want
to get out of bed because I know

1249
01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:10,920
this is going to hurt versus
like I don't want to get out of

1250
01:05:10,920 --> 01:05:12,520
bed because I just don't want to
live anymore.

1251
01:05:12,840 --> 01:05:16,840
That's they're very different.
I've had depressions as long as

1252
01:05:16,840 --> 01:05:19,840
I can remember.
I've felt like I've had it.

1253
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:25,240
I've actually had it longer than
I've been without it and to like

1254
01:05:25,240 --> 01:05:28,440
be on the other side of it.
I'm still trying to get used to

1255
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:34,320
the fact that when I'm sitting
alone in a quiet space, there's

1256
01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:36,840
no negative voices.
There's nothing telling me that

1257
01:05:36,840 --> 01:05:39,080
I'm not worthy, that I'm not
good enough, or that I should be

1258
01:05:39,080 --> 01:05:41,680
doing all of these differently.
There, it's gone.

1259
01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:47,000
There's, you know, there's no
wallowing in all of the what ifs

1260
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:49,360
or the kudas or like the bad
situations.

1261
01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:52,320
It's like I'm frustrated, but
it's never depression and it's

1262
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:57,480
been it's more easy to smile.
It's I feel like it's easier to

1263
01:05:57,480 --> 01:06:00,000
pray.
There's so many different things

1264
01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:04,880
have happened with it and I
honestly like it's an unexpected

1265
01:06:04,880 --> 01:06:07,720
gift.
I never expected to be

1266
01:06:08,480 --> 01:06:11,720
depression free.
Never in my wildest dreams did I

1267
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:13,240
ever think that I would be
healed from it.

1268
01:06:13,240 --> 01:06:16,360
Not because I didn't think that
God couldn't do it.

1269
01:06:16,360 --> 01:06:21,440
I I knew he always could.
But it always felt silly to ask

1270
01:06:21,440 --> 01:06:24,480
for deliverance from it because
I could still do life with it.

1271
01:06:24,680 --> 01:06:26,680
I could still carry it.
I thought it would like, you

1272
01:06:26,680 --> 01:06:28,840
know, like, and Paul, how he
talks about he had a thorn in

1273
01:06:28,840 --> 01:06:31,400
his side that he asked God on
the regular to deliver him from,

1274
01:06:31,640 --> 01:06:34,360
but God told him no.
It's like, well, if I don't ask,

1275
01:06:34,360 --> 01:06:37,120
you can't tell me no.
So if I don't ask from

1276
01:06:37,120 --> 01:06:39,600
Deliverance, from it, he's not
going to tell me no, then I'm

1277
01:06:39,600 --> 01:06:41,440
not going to be disappointed.
So I just want to ask.

1278
01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:46,240
So it's like I'll just still do
all of the things with it and

1279
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:48,480
it's OK, It's fine.
It's good.

1280
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:52,720
Not really, but you know,
because when you tell yourself

1281
01:06:52,720 --> 01:06:54,880
it's fine, it's good.
Yeah.

1282
01:06:55,760 --> 01:06:59,320
So OK, we have to stay here
because I think there's massive

1283
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:02,680
wisdom in this.
What would you say to the folks

1284
01:07:02,680 --> 01:07:06,600
that have used that exact same
thought process in their mind

1285
01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:11,960
and in their heart over and over
again of I'd like delivering

1286
01:07:11,960 --> 01:07:16,000
some something, whatever it
might be, but I'm afraid of the

1287
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:18,520
disappointment if God doesn't do
it.

1288
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:24,000
So I'm not going to ask him.
This may come off kind of harsh,

1289
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:25,400
but this is what I was told
myself.

1290
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:30,760
You're putting God in a box.
Why are you putting, Why are you

1291
01:07:30,760 --> 01:07:33,200
putting the God of the universe
in a box?

1292
01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:39,760
Why are you trying to limit?
Why are you self limiting what

1293
01:07:39,760 --> 01:07:44,040
he can do in your life?
Why are you calling the shots?

1294
01:07:45,280 --> 01:07:51,720
And let, let it be free.
Our our prayers.

1295
01:07:51,760 --> 01:07:55,080
Our prayers are going to seem
silly and stupid to us, but to

1296
01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:56,560
God he's listening to every
word.

1297
01:07:57,440 --> 01:07:59,640
Your life is just as important
as the person that you're

1298
01:07:59,640 --> 01:08:01,680
ministering to.
So why are you saying well I

1299
01:08:01,680 --> 01:08:05,960
don't deserve to be or I don't
want to set myself up for

1300
01:08:05,960 --> 01:08:08,280
disappointment.
Like God will answer you 3

1301
01:08:08,280 --> 01:08:10,520
different ways.
Yes, no and wait.

1302
01:08:11,520 --> 01:08:13,440
Sometimes the no looks like a
wait.

1303
01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:16,560
So instead of saying well he
told me no think of it.

1304
01:08:16,800 --> 01:08:20,040
He's telling me to wait and
waiting is OK because in the

1305
01:08:20,040 --> 01:08:25,000
waiting we can prep for his yes.
God prepped me for my yes.

1306
01:08:25,640 --> 01:08:28,439
Even when I didn't ask for the
yes, he still gave me the yes.

1307
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:30,680
So for me, it's like, why am I
making God?

1308
01:08:30,800 --> 01:08:32,920
Why am I putting my God in a
box?

1309
01:08:33,840 --> 01:08:37,439
And why am I making my God small
by the limitations I'm putting

1310
01:08:37,439 --> 01:08:38,960
on him?
He has none.

1311
01:08:38,960 --> 01:08:40,840
Why am I putting them on him?
It's not.

1312
01:08:40,840 --> 01:08:48,840
It's not what we're meant to do.
That would be my wisdom from it

1313
01:08:48,880 --> 01:08:50,200
all.
That's what I've learned from it

1314
01:08:50,200 --> 01:08:51,040
all.
That's when I've been able to

1315
01:08:51,040 --> 01:08:53,279
tell other people that are
dealing with it.

1316
01:08:53,279 --> 01:08:58,279
It's like, yeah, but what if?
What if God answered your

1317
01:08:58,279 --> 01:09:03,000
prayer?
What if God moved in your life

1318
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:06,640
in a way that only he could?
How much more could we be used

1319
01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:12,920
by God if we just asked?
God has used me more in the past

1320
01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:17,760
six months that I've been able
to visibly see him use me than

1321
01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:21,880
my lifetime before that.
And it kind of brings the pause

1322
01:09:21,880 --> 01:09:25,319
for just a, for brief moments.
I've had this what have, what

1323
01:09:25,319 --> 01:09:30,120
could have got, what could have
God done and used me for if I

1324
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:33,120
had just said yes and just
surrendered sooner.

1325
01:09:34,200 --> 01:09:37,800
You don't have to know all of
your prayers.

1326
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:39,960
You don't have to necessarily
ask them specifically, but just

1327
01:09:39,960 --> 01:09:43,479
take those moments with God and
just say God, I fully surrender

1328
01:09:43,479 --> 01:09:46,359
my life and mean it.
Like genuinely sit there from

1329
01:09:46,359 --> 01:09:48,800
the bottom of your soul, mean
it.

1330
01:09:49,319 --> 01:09:53,720
Give him control and let him use
you to your fullest potential.

1331
01:09:53,720 --> 01:09:56,920
Because the only one that is
putting limitations on you is

1332
01:09:56,920 --> 01:09:58,920
yourself.
God's not putting them on you.

1333
01:09:59,640 --> 01:10:02,320
My God is a God of miracles.
And I've seen that over and over

1334
01:10:02,320 --> 01:10:06,120
again.
And if God cares about the ugly

1335
01:10:06,120 --> 01:10:08,880
little bird that's called a
Sparrow when he falls, then God

1336
01:10:08,880 --> 01:10:14,400
cares so much more for you
because he created you, because

1337
01:10:14,400 --> 01:10:17,080
he loves you.
He wants the best for you.

1338
01:10:17,160 --> 01:10:20,160
And the only person that can
like that, you can like that can

1339
01:10:20,160 --> 01:10:22,960
hurt you in that way is yourself
because you're putting

1340
01:10:22,960 --> 01:10:25,160
limitations on God.
God doesn't want limitations.

1341
01:10:25,160 --> 01:10:29,120
He wants the best for you.
And I know the best is yet to

1342
01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:31,360
come for me because I've fully
surrendered.

1343
01:10:31,360 --> 01:10:34,440
I've surrendered my family over
and over again.

1344
01:10:34,440 --> 01:10:37,200
I've surrendered my marriage
over and over again.

1345
01:10:37,200 --> 01:10:39,560
And it's a repetitive thing.
It's not just a one and done

1346
01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:41,560
deal.
It's something that when you

1347
01:10:41,560 --> 01:10:45,080
feel that you are like trying to
control things again, where he's

1348
01:10:45,080 --> 01:10:47,600
like, Lord, no, I'm not doing
this today.

1349
01:10:47,640 --> 01:10:49,320
I'm fully surrendering my day to
you.

1350
01:10:49,320 --> 01:10:54,520
And I've watched even my own
life where with my anxiety, it's

1351
01:10:54,520 --> 01:10:57,160
still something I struggle with.
And there are Sunday mornings

1352
01:10:57,160 --> 01:11:00,160
that I try to get up and I need
to be at work by 7:30 and my

1353
01:11:00,160 --> 01:11:02,920
body is just physically not
having it.

1354
01:11:02,920 --> 01:11:06,200
Like not if it could not have
it, it's just not working.

1355
01:11:06,680 --> 01:11:09,640
And I've ask Daniel said,
Daniel, I need to pray with me.

1356
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:11,720
And he's like, OK.
And like it's just taking those

1357
01:11:11,720 --> 01:11:14,440
few moments like, Lord, I
surrender today.

1358
01:11:15,160 --> 01:11:18,400
I surrender my ministry.
I surrender my family.

1359
01:11:18,960 --> 01:11:21,280
I pray for those.
And I just go down my list of

1360
01:11:21,280 --> 01:11:24,320
all of my serve team that are
serving that day of families

1361
01:11:24,320 --> 01:11:28,160
names that come to mind.
And just instead of shifting the

1362
01:11:28,160 --> 01:11:30,640
woe is me on myself, I take and
I flip it.

1363
01:11:31,040 --> 01:11:33,920
And I was like, Lord, here's
what I'm I'm not asking for

1364
01:11:33,920 --> 01:11:36,600
anything of myself.
I'm fully surrendering

1365
01:11:36,880 --> 01:11:39,840
everything that I have that I'm
holding onto to you.

1366
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:41,520
Please take it.
Please use it.

1367
01:11:41,520 --> 01:11:44,280
Use me as your hands and your
feet because all I ever want, I

1368
01:11:44,280 --> 01:11:45,640
just want to be the hands and
the feet.

1369
01:11:46,640 --> 01:11:49,520
If I just reach one person, then
that in my job is done.

1370
01:11:50,600 --> 01:11:54,160
And through the whole accident,
like Lord, there needs to be

1371
01:11:54,160 --> 01:11:57,680
good coming out of this there.
There has to be good.

1372
01:11:57,680 --> 01:12:00,200
And I had somebody asked me,
would you would you ever do like

1373
01:12:00,200 --> 01:12:03,000
a podcast or would you ever do
like a public Speaking of like,

1374
01:12:03,000 --> 01:12:08,840
no, no, no, that is not for no.
And I hit it was like a week

1375
01:12:08,840 --> 01:12:11,640
before you were not you're our
first conversation.

1376
01:12:12,840 --> 01:12:15,800
I felt the Lord saying now is
the time, it's time.

1377
01:12:15,800 --> 01:12:18,160
And then it was so funny walking
into work one day.

1378
01:12:18,640 --> 01:12:20,800
Jonathan was like, Hey, have you
ever heard of.

1379
01:12:20,800 --> 01:12:24,240
I'm like, no, he's like, you
really should.

1380
01:12:24,240 --> 01:12:25,920
He's like, and I've already like
contact.

1381
01:12:25,920 --> 01:12:28,800
Can I contact him for you?
I'm like, yes, that's fine.

1382
01:12:28,840 --> 01:12:30,880
I just don't know when, like
when he's like, just take your

1383
01:12:30,880 --> 01:12:32,240
time.
I got to let you know when it's

1384
01:12:32,240 --> 01:12:35,440
the right time.
And like, yeah, Lord, that was

1385
01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:40,680
not my will, but yours, please.
So I just, I'm not a public

1386
01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:42,960
speaker.
I've not at all.

1387
01:12:43,320 --> 01:12:46,760
But I was like, Lord, you have
your name has to be glorified in

1388
01:12:46,760 --> 01:12:49,560
every single aspect.
My whole story might not touch

1389
01:12:49,560 --> 01:12:53,680
someone, but if you look through
it, find something that

1390
01:12:54,080 --> 01:12:58,320
resonates with you and just ask
the Lord to to show up to show

1391
01:12:58,320 --> 01:13:02,480
you what you need to learn.
And I just want to be AI just

1392
01:13:02,480 --> 01:13:03,960
want to be used by God.
That could be.

1393
01:13:03,960 --> 01:13:06,160
That's my greatest wish and my
greatest prayer.

1394
01:13:06,160 --> 01:13:09,160
Just use me as a vessel, as your
hands and your feet.

1395
01:13:10,280 --> 01:13:14,000
I definitely still there are
times I feel unworthy, but God

1396
01:13:14,000 --> 01:13:16,520
reminds me you're worthy because
you're my child, you're my

1397
01:13:16,520 --> 01:13:21,200
daughter and you've accepted my
gift of salvation and you are

1398
01:13:21,200 --> 01:13:23,720
worthy.
And it doesn't matter what you

1399
01:13:23,720 --> 01:13:25,000
think or what other people
think.

1400
01:13:25,120 --> 01:13:27,400
It matters what I think.
And I am calling you my

1401
01:13:27,400 --> 01:13:30,480
daughter.
I'm calling you worthy and I'm

1402
01:13:30,480 --> 01:13:35,160
looking down on you and keep
doing it.

1403
01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:38,720
I will give you the when I feel
like my strength is weak, I just

1404
01:13:38,720 --> 01:13:41,560
ask out, Lord, I just have a
little bit more to go.

1405
01:13:41,560 --> 01:13:44,200
Either bring somebody to me or
give me the strength to push on

1406
01:13:44,200 --> 01:13:47,360
for a little bit longer.
And he always shows up for me.

1407
01:13:47,360 --> 01:13:52,800
And I don't know, I, I honestly
can't tell you where this switch

1408
01:13:52,800 --> 01:13:57,480
was because we're before from
when my prayers were always set

1409
01:13:57,480 --> 01:14:00,440
inward to where now I'm audibly
asking.

1410
01:14:01,440 --> 01:14:03,800
And my husband is too hard that
he has reminded me.

1411
01:14:03,800 --> 01:14:06,000
He's like, there's something I
think some people forget.

1412
01:14:06,200 --> 01:14:09,680
And I'm like, OK, he said God
can hear our thoughts and our

1413
01:14:09,680 --> 01:14:11,560
prayers.
We don't have to say them.

1414
01:14:12,080 --> 01:14:15,320
He's like, but the devil does
not have that power.

1415
01:14:16,000 --> 01:14:17,560
He can't hear your inner
thoughts.

1416
01:14:18,320 --> 01:14:21,960
So when you're going through a
rough time, call out Jesus name,

1417
01:14:22,760 --> 01:14:26,080
ask God to show up, Tell Satan
that he doesn't belong here

1418
01:14:26,600 --> 01:14:28,920
because there's power in hearing
it.

1419
01:14:30,480 --> 01:14:32,960
He's like, that really resonated
with me.

1420
01:14:32,960 --> 01:14:36,000
Before that I'd already like
been praying more out loud, but

1421
01:14:36,000 --> 01:14:39,480
then to hear him like it, I
totally forgotten that.

1422
01:14:40,080 --> 01:14:43,720
But like, how awesome is it for
like God to be able, like for us

1423
01:14:43,720 --> 01:14:48,240
to want him so fervently in our
lives for not only for us to use

1424
01:14:48,240 --> 01:14:51,040
our hearts, but then to vocalize
those things.

1425
01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:55,680
There's power in that.
And it just kind of like all

1426
01:14:55,680 --> 01:15:00,160
struck me like, yeah, like, am I
doing that?

1427
01:15:00,480 --> 01:15:04,080
Am I audibly paying for my team?
Am I going into my preschool

1428
01:15:04,080 --> 01:15:06,920
classrooms and praying over them
before the kids get there Sunday

1429
01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:08,280
morning?
Am I doing all these things?

1430
01:15:08,280 --> 01:15:13,640
If the answer is no, then I'm
missing out on a blessing that I

1431
01:15:13,640 --> 01:15:16,360
could be giving to my team.
And it's not just about me.

1432
01:15:16,360 --> 01:15:17,720
It's often like praying for
others.

1433
01:15:17,720 --> 01:15:20,160
Like how am I praying for those
people that I get to serve?

1434
01:15:20,160 --> 01:15:24,440
With the past six months, God
has radically changed my prayer

1435
01:15:24,440 --> 01:15:26,640
life.
He's radically changed me.

1436
01:15:26,640 --> 01:15:29,920
My relationship with Him I
thought was good already, but

1437
01:15:29,920 --> 01:15:32,600
God has shown me so much more
that I have so much more to

1438
01:15:32,600 --> 01:15:38,000
learn and I'm just waiting with
open arms, ready to receive it

1439
01:15:38,080 --> 01:15:41,280
and just trying to do my best
and being a good steward of what

1440
01:15:41,280 --> 01:15:44,480
He's already given me and not
missing it.

1441
01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:46,720
And slowing down.
Slowing down is definitely

1442
01:15:46,720 --> 01:15:50,200
something I still to this day,
still challenge with, but it's

1443
01:15:50,200 --> 01:15:52,400
like that reminders like you
need to slow down.

1444
01:15:53,080 --> 01:15:54,640
You physically have to slow
down.

1445
01:15:54,640 --> 01:15:57,040
So while you're at it, you might
as well mentally and spiritually

1446
01:15:57,040 --> 01:16:06,680
slow down too.
The trifecta there, while you

1447
01:16:06,680 --> 01:16:11,720
talked about speaking the name
of Jesus out loud, speaking

1448
01:16:11,720 --> 01:16:18,440
prayers out loud, you've
probably already connected this,

1449
01:16:18,440 --> 01:16:23,120
but I heard you say that at the
moment of impact, the first

1450
01:16:23,120 --> 01:16:25,040
words out of your mouth were Oh
God.

1451
01:16:26,800 --> 01:16:30,440
Yep.
And we know from what you

1452
01:16:30,440 --> 01:16:34,840
describe what happens next.
So praise be to God.

1453
01:16:34,840 --> 01:16:37,440
I want to ask you one other
question before we get into kind

1454
01:16:37,440 --> 01:16:41,440
of our usual too, as we round
out the conversation.

1455
01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:51,760
But I want you to give us more
insight into Don't Settle from

1456
01:16:51,760 --> 01:16:58,880
Luke 1.
And I didn't know this, but on

1457
01:16:58,880 --> 01:17:02,640
further reflection these past
few months, you can serve the

1458
01:17:02,640 --> 01:17:06,680
Lord and still be lukewarm.
You can still be used by God

1459
01:17:07,520 --> 01:17:09,280
while still being a lukewarm
Christian.

1460
01:17:11,880 --> 01:17:13,760
But that's not what God wants us
to be.

1461
01:17:15,000 --> 01:17:20,120
God wants your best.
And it's a matter of, again,

1462
01:17:20,120 --> 01:17:24,800
fully surrendering.
Like I thought that I was doing

1463
01:17:24,800 --> 01:17:25,960
the right things.
I didn't.

1464
01:17:26,000 --> 01:17:30,120
I would never have considered
myself more on the lukewarm side

1465
01:17:30,120 --> 01:17:31,960
before the accident.
I just wouldn't have Like I, I,

1466
01:17:32,080 --> 01:17:34,680
I thought I was doing like, you
know, I'm staff.

1467
01:17:34,800 --> 01:17:38,720
I'm a staff member of a church.
I'm a mom of five kids.

1468
01:17:39,000 --> 01:17:41,160
I have a good marriage with my
husband.

1469
01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:45,880
I pray just like anybody else.
I do devotions like anybody

1470
01:17:45,880 --> 01:17:47,600
else.
But in that moment, like God

1471
01:17:47,600 --> 01:17:50,520
showed me, like you thought
that's what was that was good

1472
01:17:50,520 --> 01:17:56,040
enough.
No, no, it's like now you are in

1473
01:17:56,040 --> 01:17:58,880
bed and you have literally
nothing else to do.

1474
01:17:58,880 --> 01:18:01,920
Open up that Bible that you call
your favorite book and start

1475
01:18:01,920 --> 01:18:05,000
reading it.
Start praying to me.

1476
01:18:06,360 --> 01:18:09,160
Start doing.
Stop doing.

1477
01:18:09,160 --> 01:18:12,120
Stop calling it your ministry.
Call it mine.

1478
01:18:12,760 --> 01:18:15,000
It's not mine.
What I do at church is not my

1479
01:18:15,000 --> 01:18:17,840
ministry.
I might be coordinating that

1480
01:18:17,840 --> 01:18:20,640
ministry, but again, a
coordinator means there's

1481
01:18:20,640 --> 01:18:23,720
somebody higher up than you and
God is my higher up and God is

1482
01:18:23,720 --> 01:18:25,000
the one supposed to be directing
me.

1483
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:31,160
And I've never had to come like
face to face site and like had

1484
01:18:31,160 --> 01:18:37,640
to admit like I was lukewarm and
God showed me when I asked where

1485
01:18:37,640 --> 01:18:43,080
I needed to refine that fire.
And God has used music.

1486
01:18:43,080 --> 01:18:47,120
He's used different books for me
to read and just the Bible in

1487
01:18:47,120 --> 01:18:50,120
general and conversation with
other Christians to show me that

1488
01:18:50,120 --> 01:18:54,160
God has so much more.
And that, yes, you can be used

1489
01:18:54,160 --> 01:18:58,320
while being lukewarm, but how
much better to be used by God

1490
01:18:58,560 --> 01:19:01,640
when you're walking in his
presence, when you're doing what

1491
01:19:01,640 --> 01:19:04,360
he wants you to do with the
right heart attitude?

1492
01:19:04,360 --> 01:19:06,520
Because it's a hard thing.
It's not just a, it's not just a

1493
01:19:06,520 --> 01:19:07,800
physical thing, It's a hard
thing.

1494
01:19:07,840 --> 01:19:08,800
Is your heart in the right
place?

1495
01:19:08,800 --> 01:19:10,240
Are you doing it for the right
reason?

1496
01:19:10,760 --> 01:19:13,040
And there are times that I know
over the past like year and a

1497
01:19:13,040 --> 01:19:15,240
half that I was, that I was
being the preschool coordinator.

1498
01:19:15,240 --> 01:19:17,160
I can tell you I was doing it
for myself.

1499
01:19:17,480 --> 01:19:20,840
That's how hard to admit.
Why was I doing it?

1500
01:19:20,840 --> 01:19:23,400
Was I doing it for God?
And like Grant, it wasn't for

1501
01:19:23,400 --> 01:19:26,800
like long periods of time, like
it was short things, but like at

1502
01:19:26,800 --> 01:19:29,840
the end of the day, like it's
not my ministry, it's God's

1503
01:19:29,840 --> 01:19:34,160
ministry.
So why am I trying to control

1504
01:19:34,160 --> 01:19:35,560
it?
Because I have no control.

1505
01:19:36,520 --> 01:19:38,120
Who?
Who am I to think that I've got

1506
01:19:38,120 --> 01:19:40,680
control of my life?
Clearly I do not.

1507
01:19:40,920 --> 01:19:45,280
The Lord showed me about this
past year that I have no control

1508
01:19:45,280 --> 01:19:49,480
at all and that whatever we
think that we aren't, whatever

1509
01:19:49,480 --> 01:19:54,320
control we think we have is an
illusion because we can think

1510
01:19:54,320 --> 01:19:56,840
that we're on fire for God.
But when we self, when we

1511
01:19:56,840 --> 01:20:00,880
analyze and ask God the hard
question, how can I grow?

1512
01:20:00,880 --> 01:20:03,760
How can you use me?
Sometimes we get the answers

1513
01:20:03,760 --> 01:20:05,880
that we don't want to hear, but
the answers that we need to

1514
01:20:05,880 --> 01:20:07,720
hear.
For me those answers were.

1515
01:20:08,920 --> 01:20:11,200
You're not always doing it for
the right reason.

1516
01:20:11,640 --> 01:20:15,200
You're not, you're not taking
time to pour into your cup and

1517
01:20:15,200 --> 01:20:18,160
to learn about me more.
So you're pouring from an empty

1518
01:20:18,160 --> 01:20:21,160
cup and eventually that cup is
going to be empty.

1519
01:20:21,160 --> 01:20:24,720
It's going to be dry.
And that for me, like, are you

1520
01:20:24,720 --> 01:20:29,120
lukewarm or are you going to
fill up your cup and ask God for

1521
01:20:29,120 --> 01:20:31,560
direction?
And for me, like, obviously it

1522
01:20:31,560 --> 01:20:34,160
was a very easy answer.
Like, no, I, I thought I was

1523
01:20:34,160 --> 01:20:36,760
doing all the things.
So if I'm not doing the things

1524
01:20:36,760 --> 01:20:40,440
that you want me to do should be
on fire for you.

1525
01:20:40,440 --> 01:20:42,640
But then please show me because
I don't ever want to be

1526
01:20:42,640 --> 01:20:45,360
considered lukewarm.
It's either hot or cold

1527
01:20:45,600 --> 01:20:47,840
Lukewarm.
I feel like is that tricky spot

1528
01:20:47,840 --> 01:20:50,000
where like you're on the fence.
Either either you're on or

1529
01:20:50,000 --> 01:20:52,520
you're off.
Get on it and let's go.

1530
01:20:52,520 --> 01:20:56,720
For me, was it for me, it was
very much a, a decision.

1531
01:20:57,080 --> 01:20:59,400
I've healed you from all these
things.

1532
01:20:59,400 --> 01:21:03,080
Are you willing to go one step
further and fully surrender all

1533
01:21:03,080 --> 01:21:05,120
parts of your life?
Because before that I hadn't.

1534
01:21:05,960 --> 01:21:10,400
And since then, since April
19th, I have given over

1535
01:21:10,920 --> 01:21:12,400
everything.
There's nothing left for me to

1536
01:21:12,400 --> 01:21:13,960
give over.
There literally is.

1537
01:21:13,960 --> 01:21:17,640
There's nothing left.
And the peace of not having to

1538
01:21:17,640 --> 01:21:21,240
be in control of knowing that
God has a story written for me

1539
01:21:21,240 --> 01:21:24,200
that I don't have to understand
the story in order to follow.

1540
01:21:25,040 --> 01:21:27,520
We're supposed to be sheep, and
gods are a shepherd.

1541
01:21:28,160 --> 01:21:30,080
The sheep don't always know
where they're going.

1542
01:21:30,640 --> 01:21:31,920
They know.
They know that the shepherd has

1543
01:21:31,920 --> 01:21:34,720
them.
So why, if a sheep can follow a

1544
01:21:34,720 --> 01:21:38,120
shepherd with a whole bunch of
other people, like, why can't I

1545
01:21:38,120 --> 01:21:42,880
then also do it?
I'd like to be in front if

1546
01:21:42,880 --> 01:21:44,800
that's all right with every, I
don't want to be the, I don't

1547
01:21:44,800 --> 01:21:46,800
want to be dragging the flock
behind.

1548
01:21:47,360 --> 01:21:50,840
So what am I doing in my
ministry, like in God, in the

1549
01:21:50,840 --> 01:21:53,360
ministry that I'm serving?
And what am I doing in order to

1550
01:21:53,360 --> 01:21:56,280
further to kind of help that
along?

1551
01:21:56,280 --> 01:21:58,480
Because I think, you know,
again, it's like lukewarm.

1552
01:21:58,480 --> 01:22:00,440
If you're lukewarm, you're
probably bringing up the rear of

1553
01:22:00,440 --> 01:22:02,240
the flock.
I really don't want to bring up

1554
01:22:02,240 --> 01:22:04,600
the rear.
I'd much rather be closer to the

1555
01:22:04,600 --> 01:22:07,320
shepherd where I can hear him
turn left or turn right or go

1556
01:22:07,320 --> 01:22:10,280
straight or get that friendly
little nudge like, hey, you're

1557
01:22:10,280 --> 01:22:12,320
kind of steering off a little
bit, you know, like come back

1558
01:22:12,320 --> 01:22:14,600
over here.
So that's just something that

1559
01:22:14,600 --> 01:22:16,560
like God showed me about the
whole lukewarm.

1560
01:22:17,640 --> 01:22:21,240
It made me realize that I was
and that God could, that God

1561
01:22:21,240 --> 01:22:24,320
still used me in spite of me
being lukewarm.

1562
01:22:24,720 --> 01:22:28,920
But how much more can we use be
used by God if we're on fire for

1563
01:22:28,920 --> 01:22:34,640
Him?
Well let's let's land this plane

1564
01:22:34,840 --> 01:22:37,800
man this has been a amazing
ride.

1565
01:22:38,120 --> 01:22:43,400
Wow.
So we asked 2 questions as we

1566
01:22:43,400 --> 01:22:49,600
land the plane and the first of
which is was it coincidence that

1567
01:22:49,600 --> 01:22:55,960
you get hit by a car at 85 miles
an hour and survive miss if I'm

1568
01:22:55,960 --> 01:23:00,880
an Angel or was that God on the
moon?

1569
01:23:03,160 --> 01:23:05,040
Without a doubt, it was God on
the move.

1570
01:23:07,240 --> 01:23:11,040
He could have taken me home, but
he chose to heal me, which

1571
01:23:11,040 --> 01:23:14,320
honestly, I think is a lot more
work than just taking me home.

1572
01:23:16,680 --> 01:23:20,240
There's not a doubt in my mind
at all that it wasn't.

1573
01:23:20,240 --> 01:23:23,280
It was not coincidental at all.
There was nothing coincidental

1574
01:23:23,280 --> 01:23:26,120
about this.
It was all God and he showed it

1575
01:23:27,320 --> 01:23:31,960
not just visually, but you hear
it and you know, you can only

1576
01:23:31,960 --> 01:23:34,200
think, but God, like that's my
anthem.

1577
01:23:34,200 --> 01:23:37,800
But God, God doesn't call the
equipped.

1578
01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:40,560
He equips the called.
That is my favorite saying that

1579
01:23:40,560 --> 01:23:42,760
I've been my mantra for the past
year.

1580
01:23:42,840 --> 01:23:46,680
God called me to this.
I might not be equipped going

1581
01:23:46,680 --> 01:23:49,280
into it, but God will equip me
because he's called me.

1582
01:23:50,080 --> 01:23:54,040
I just need to be willing.
So no, I don't think that it was

1583
01:23:54,040 --> 01:23:57,400
not a coincidence.
This was definitely, undeniably

1584
01:23:58,000 --> 01:24:02,120
a God moving.
Praise God.

1585
01:24:02,960 --> 01:24:07,240
Right on.
Well, you have talked a lot

1586
01:24:07,240 --> 01:24:10,600
about this throughout our
conversation about how your life

1587
01:24:10,600 --> 01:24:14,240
has changed.
But maybe summarize it or if

1588
01:24:14,240 --> 01:24:16,280
there's anything else that you
want to add to it.

1589
01:24:16,800 --> 01:24:23,040
You know, post April 19th, I
think you said yeah or, or even

1590
01:24:23,040 --> 01:24:25,920
including April 19th.
How has your life changed?

1591
01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:35,840
I have slowed down drastically.
I am able to because I

1592
01:24:35,840 --> 01:24:37,520
physically have to slow down I
guess.

1593
01:24:37,720 --> 01:24:41,280
I still my legs still get
swollen a lot.

1594
01:24:41,280 --> 01:24:45,360
I still walk with a cane.
I use mobility aids quite often.

1595
01:24:45,880 --> 01:24:48,560
I get tired just from walking
from one end of my house to the

1596
01:24:48,560 --> 01:24:50,680
other.
I wear an ankle bracelet.

1597
01:24:50,680 --> 01:24:53,920
So an ankle brace.
So just do everything like that.

1598
01:24:53,920 --> 01:24:57,920
I've learned like I've I'm
forced to slow down and, and

1599
01:24:58,080 --> 01:25:01,280
while I'm being forced to slow
down, it's causing me to be able

1600
01:25:01,280 --> 01:25:08,320
to look and be able to take in
the moment more and to meet God

1601
01:25:08,320 --> 01:25:11,200
in those moments when I'm
slowing down or otherwise I

1602
01:25:11,200 --> 01:25:13,880
would have missed.
I definitely resonate with the

1603
01:25:13,880 --> 01:25:15,840
whole, I was definitely a
Martha.

1604
01:25:15,840 --> 01:25:18,320
I was doing all the things, but
I was forgetting the thing that

1605
01:25:18,320 --> 01:25:20,520
I needed to be doing was sitting
at the feet of Jesus.

1606
01:25:21,440 --> 01:25:24,000
And I feel like now like I can
still be used.

1607
01:25:24,000 --> 01:25:26,200
I'm still doing the thing.
I'm still a preschool

1608
01:25:26,200 --> 01:25:27,480
coordinator.
I'm still loving all my

1609
01:25:27,480 --> 01:25:29,600
families.
I'm still serving with my team,

1610
01:25:30,280 --> 01:25:36,600
but I'm taking those moments to
make sure that I'm working on

1611
01:25:36,600 --> 01:25:38,440
myself.
I've not arrived.

1612
01:25:38,880 --> 01:25:42,080
I never, I never will arrive.
And that's the beauty of it.

1613
01:25:42,080 --> 01:25:44,520
I get to keep on learning
literally till the day I die.

1614
01:25:44,520 --> 01:25:47,120
And how awesome is that?
Like that I even when I go and

1615
01:25:47,120 --> 01:25:50,640
meet Jesus in heaven, I'm still
not going to know all the things

1616
01:25:50,640 --> 01:25:51,840
about him.
But like, I don't want to be

1617
01:25:51,840 --> 01:25:54,120
known to be the busy person.
I want to be the person.

1618
01:25:54,120 --> 01:25:57,440
Like, you know, she's not only
is she used by God, but you

1619
01:25:57,560 --> 01:25:59,400
know, her prayer life is
awesome.

1620
01:26:00,200 --> 01:26:03,080
You know, we want her to pray
for us because we know that when

1621
01:26:03,080 --> 01:26:07,280
she speaks, God listens.
God is hearing her and just

1622
01:26:07,280 --> 01:26:09,560
being able to be minister to
other people and to be a

1623
01:26:09,560 --> 01:26:14,240
blessing to them.
It's caused me to be being,

1624
01:26:14,400 --> 01:26:20,120
having to be slow has made it so
that I see those needs, not just

1625
01:26:20,120 --> 01:26:23,240
rush by them, that I get to take
care of the one.

1626
01:26:23,760 --> 01:26:27,600
And sometimes that one is one of
my kids or it's my husband or

1627
01:26:27,600 --> 01:26:29,400
it's one of the serve team
members that I get to be.

1628
01:26:29,400 --> 01:26:32,400
Sometimes they just need a
friend and me having to slow

1629
01:26:32,400 --> 01:26:36,720
down has made that possible.
I have limitations I didn't have

1630
01:26:36,720 --> 01:26:39,320
before and there are days that I
get frustrated with those

1631
01:26:39,320 --> 01:26:41,960
limitations, but then I think of
all the time as well, if I had a

1632
01:26:41,960 --> 01:26:44,160
rush to go do this, I wouldn't
have been able to do that.

1633
01:26:44,160 --> 01:26:46,560
Or if I'd rush to do this,
that's would not have happened.

1634
01:26:46,880 --> 01:26:48,880
Just different things like that.
They're all God moments.

1635
01:26:49,440 --> 01:26:51,120
They're all things.
It's not, it's not about like,

1636
01:26:51,120 --> 01:26:53,360
well, if I had waited two more
seconds, I would have gone

1637
01:26:53,360 --> 01:26:57,400
through the red light.
No, it's no, it's other things

1638
01:26:57,400 --> 01:26:59,680
that all you can do is look at
it.

1639
01:26:59,680 --> 01:27:03,040
It's like that was a God moment.
So I'm just learning to take it

1640
01:27:03,040 --> 01:27:07,960
all in, learning that I don't
have to do it all myself.

1641
01:27:07,960 --> 01:27:10,120
That asking, there's nothing
wrong asking for help.

1642
01:27:10,120 --> 01:27:12,680
It's not a sign of weakness.
It's actually a sign of strength

1643
01:27:12,680 --> 01:27:14,000
when you know when to ask for
help.

1644
01:27:14,840 --> 01:27:17,600
And I've been God's been working
a lot on me on that.

1645
01:27:18,880 --> 01:27:21,560
What?
Yeah.

1646
01:27:21,600 --> 01:27:23,360
That's that's it in a gist,
Katyn.

1647
01:27:26,600 --> 01:27:29,320
Thank you so much.
You're welcome, thank you for

1648
01:27:29,320 --> 01:27:32,160
letting me share.
It's warm with my heart to know

1649
01:27:32,160 --> 01:27:34,480
that the other people are going
to listen to this and that

1650
01:27:35,240 --> 01:27:37,560
somebody hopefully will be
blessed by it and get

1651
01:27:37,560 --> 01:27:39,160
encouragement from it 'cause
that's all that I want.

1652
01:27:39,480 --> 01:27:42,120
I just wanted all to point to
God, every little bit of it.

1653
01:27:43,080 --> 01:27:45,520
I want God's name to be
glorified and every little bit,

1654
01:27:45,640 --> 01:27:49,440
not every little bit of it
because all of it was just God

1655
01:27:49,440 --> 01:27:52,840
working and moving and there are
still days that I still feel

1656
01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:55,960
unworthy and there and I think
that can be a healthy.

1657
01:27:55,960 --> 01:27:58,880
I know that I'm worthy, but
there's those moments when I

1658
01:27:58,880 --> 01:28:00,640
think I'm unworthy.
It makes me not take it for

1659
01:28:00,640 --> 01:28:03,800
granted because it could have
been so much different.

1660
01:28:04,000 --> 01:28:06,400
Police officers that were there
told me that it should have been

1661
01:28:06,400 --> 01:28:08,320
so much different.
Other police officer friends, We

1662
01:28:08,320 --> 01:28:11,400
know that they saw the accident
reports and saw pictures like

1663
01:28:11,400 --> 01:28:14,560
you shouldn't be here.
I'm like, no, but God.

1664
01:28:14,680 --> 01:28:18,600
That is always my answer, but
God, I don't have any like that,

1665
01:28:18,600 --> 01:28:24,120
that those two words mean so
much more than just those two

1666
01:28:24,120 --> 01:28:25,440
words.
I don't have feel like sometimes

1667
01:28:25,440 --> 01:28:27,960
I don't have to like, but God,
like that's end of the

1668
01:28:27,960 --> 01:28:29,440
conversation.
Like it is what it is.

1669
01:28:29,440 --> 01:28:31,880
Like it's God.
I don't have an explanation for

1670
01:28:31,880 --> 01:28:32,800
it.
Don't need one.

1671
01:28:33,560 --> 01:28:37,240
I don't need one for me.
God just saw me, saw me in my

1672
01:28:37,240 --> 01:28:40,360
imperfections and said she is
can be used by me.

1673
01:28:40,360 --> 01:28:42,320
She's ready, she's waiting,
she's willing.

1674
01:28:44,360 --> 01:28:46,200
Let's give her more than what
she's asked for.

1675
01:28:46,840 --> 01:28:51,480
He, God gave me that accident.
God gave me not just what I

1676
01:28:51,480 --> 01:28:56,320
wanted, but He gave me all, and
I do mean all that I needed

1677
01:28:57,080 --> 01:28:58,920
there.
It wasn't just the healing

1678
01:28:58,920 --> 01:29:01,280
aspect that God proved a miracle
for me.

1679
01:29:01,400 --> 01:29:04,400
He has touched so many other
people's lives because of one

1680
01:29:04,440 --> 01:29:08,280
event, and at the end of the
day, for me, that makes it worth

1681
01:29:08,280 --> 01:29:10,600
it all.
I had somebody asked me, if you

1682
01:29:10,600 --> 01:29:12,720
knew the outcome would be the
same, would you do it all over

1683
01:29:12,720 --> 01:29:15,000
again?
Yes, without a shadow of a

1684
01:29:15,000 --> 01:29:17,200
doubt, I would do it all over
again.

1685
01:29:18,000 --> 01:29:20,880
It was, it was the most painful
thing I've ever had to do.

1686
01:29:21,760 --> 01:29:26,320
But seeing God be able to touch
those lives that otherwise would

1687
01:29:26,320 --> 01:29:29,640
never have been touched for
certain people to be able to

1688
01:29:29,640 --> 01:29:33,160
start praying more because they
were praying for me and now they

1689
01:29:33,160 --> 01:29:36,800
can't stop praying those, those
different things for me are

1690
01:29:36,800 --> 01:29:40,560
such, it's such a blessing.
It makes it worth it all.

1691
01:29:40,840 --> 01:29:44,120
And then it's OK.
I can be in pain for the rest of

1692
01:29:44,120 --> 01:29:47,760
my entire life and I will still
tell you it is worth it all

1693
01:29:47,760 --> 01:29:52,160
because every single time my
name isn't magnified, God's name

1694
01:29:52,160 --> 01:29:54,400
is magnified.
I did absolutely nothing.

1695
01:29:54,400 --> 01:29:57,280
I was literally in the driver's
seat and I said, Jesus, take the

1696
01:29:57,280 --> 01:30:10,920
wheel.
Caitlin, thank you for being on

1697
01:30:10,920 --> 01:30:13,360
When You Look.
You are welcome.

1698
01:30:13,400 --> 01:30:18,600
Thank you for having me.
It is powered by amazing first

1699
01:30:18,600 --> 01:30:25,920
hand stories and we are just
fully blessed by what you've

1700
01:30:25,920 --> 01:30:31,480
shared and God has done through
you and how we will put a large

1701
01:30:31,480 --> 01:30:36,440
statement that I'm on declaring
this was in Christ be 95.

1702
01:30:37,680 --> 01:30:38,720
Thank you.
I can't.

1703
01:30:38,720 --> 01:30:39,440
You're welcome.
We can't.

1704
01:30:39,440 --> 01:30:42,560
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.

1705
01:30:47,480 --> 01:30:52,680
Was it coincidence or God?
You decide for yourself, but I

1706
01:30:52,680 --> 01:30:56,520
believe you just heard a story
for His glory.

1707
01:30:57,200 --> 01:31:01,560
When You Look is powered by
stories just like this, and

1708
01:31:01,560 --> 01:31:06,000
yours could be next.
Go to whenyoulook.com/be a guest

1709
01:31:06,280 --> 01:31:08,480
or use the link in the
description below.

1710
01:31:09,000 --> 01:31:13,320
Drop us a comment and share this
episode with somebody that needs

1711
01:31:13,320 --> 01:31:16,280
it.
Until next time, thanks a bunch

1712
01:31:16,280 --> 01:31:19,080
for listening and watching, and
God bless.